Just some independence. A taste, really.

Cureently: has this song stuck in my head. (Maybe I'll be over it by friday. HEHEHE. Okay Corny joke time over...)

This week feels weird.
And it's not JUST because Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I get to see Switchfoot on Friday.
Or that I was sick this weekend and still feel out of it.

My brother was in hospital for two days. Nothing huge or horrible, just had an EEG so the doctors can see how his brain works (and they were trying to induce an seizure. heh) (He's autistic and has seizures. it was scary for a bit but he's much better now)

My parents had to stay with him and I had the apartment to myself for two days.

My mom called and let me know he was in the wing next to the one where I had my back surgery almost 7 years (dude. Im old. Heheheh)

For some reason it made me think independence. When i was in the hospital, my mom stayed the first two nights and my parents came every day but I was alone during the night.
And yes, my brother needed someone in the room with him at all times, but both my parents stayed with him.

Is it because Im older I have more reign to do things?
I mean, except for some major parts of my Junior and Senior year, my parents have essentially always trusted me and let me do things.
I think its in myself that I dont understand how I deserved it. I'm my own worst critic, just knowing how easily it can all be broken.

Maybe its that I can take care of myself where as my brother needs to watched to make sure he's not alone when he seizures.

But my family is home now and all I could think this morning was "wow. I could totally do the whole living alone thing. I mean sure..I could be a little hermity but ... I get stuff done. I can focus on homework, chores. If I get lonely I just IM someone and find a movie / tv show online to watch to feel like other people are talking to me. I could actually do this."

Of course. Its probably different with the added stress of bills and a job and...yea. Heheh.

Final point-Trust and responsibility and all that change once you're 18. You are your own person. Even though I still live with parents and depend on them for shelter and food, I am my own person. The whole independence thing is different when its your own.

(Okay song change. This. and then because I need to hear the original. THIS.)

Well..thats all. Random thoughts from the past couple of days.
Tomorrow? Turkey day!
Friday? SWITCHFOOT
And then three weeks of studying and school and finals.

Weeeee

But I am ALWAYS yours

this is the start
this is your heart
this is the day you were born
this is the sun
these are your lungs
this is the day you were born

and I am always yours 


these are the scars
deep in your heart
this is the place you were born
this is the hole
where most of your soul
comes ripping out
from the places you've been torn 


and it is always yours
but I am always yours

hallelujah!
I'm caving in
hallelujah!
I'm in love again
hallelujah!
I'm a wretched man
hallelujah!
every breath is a second chance

and it is always yours
and I am always yours 


video source
lyric source

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.

God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. -C.S.Lewis

Currently:
Taking a break from putting numbers in my new cell.
Listening to Sooner or Later (Elektra Version)-Switchfoot.

I like this version better than the album version. Heh.

So someone brought up that this is the weekend that the Switchfoot bro-Am usually happens. Not this year.
This reminded of something.
You see, I had this really stupid fling or w/e something and I ended up breaking it off right before the Bro-Am last year. (No-I didn't plan to break-up with someone before summer started, last year was crazy enough in itself)

But basically, my point is, I've been single for a year now.
I'm not sure what to feel. Part of me feels accomplished. I promised myself and God no dating for at least two years and I've made it to my essential half-way point, even with certain things that have happened.
I know it's not huge or big by any means, but I'm bad at keeping certain promises, and I'm over the moon that this pact between me and God is holding strong.

There is another part of me that feels lonely, but I think that just comes with being single. I've dealt with, over the past few months, my wants and needs, and how different they are.
How, after a while, I do want to date again, but am not quite ready, even if there is or isnt a great guy waiting in the wings for me. God only knows right?
I'm trusting God on this.
He'll tell me when the time is right.

Wow.Anyways, playing a duet of sorts in worship tomorrow (with the worship pastor-she plays keyboard) I have the melody part. Eep.
Night all. Have a great and blessed Sunday.

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

I haven't heard Dare You To Move in a long time. And very early this morning it played on the radio. On a non-christian station which made me smile. Buts it powerful words took a hold of me.

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

Where are we gonna go?
We can run and run from ourselves but there's sinful nature right in us. And sure we can be busy, occupied, but you never ever ignore yourself.
But we're lucky enough to have God. right there. With his salvation and mercy and forgiveness and abundant love.

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

So maybe, even in those valleys of that life walk we all have, it's not that bad.When we sit in that dark low place where we can't even see the sun or feel warmth, it doesn't mean we need to dig out a little hole and hide from ourselves.

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Today is a new chance. A new day. The past is past. Let it go. Get up and move beyond the sin and dirtiness we sit and wait in.
god's given us what we need. Now it's our turn to move and seek him and do his work.

Salvation is here