"What is true love?"

Currently: looking at the computer with blurry eyes.

I know. 2 am. I should be in bed. Heh. I just got home from work.
And I felt the need to ask a question before going to bed.

I had a 4-year old ask me tonight-"What is true love?"


..I had to pause and think before answering her.
I summed it up in "Well do you know what truth is?" "yes" "you know what love is?" "Yes" "Its like really really big huge love and something thats really true put together"

I know. Lame answer.

But I mean-this question came from her and the 2yr old brother watching a barbie Movie, I did not feel motivated to explain the complexities of love. Heh.

But why I am posting this.
Because now I pose that question.

What is your answer to "What is true love?" ? To a 4-year old?

Of Trains, Barbie Dolls, Switchfoot, and more.

Currently: listening to a youtube play list.

So. Story time? Story time. I went to Fullerton on Sunday cause my friend had this extra ticket to go see the play RENT. It was good. I liked it. We had fun being goofs and such. Monday morning-go to train station-but ticket to go home.
Now usually, I just ride Amtrak cause I know the scheadule and its easier. But Metrolink is cheaper.
Metrolink said they had train at that time.
Metrolink lied.
Amy had to call her mom to buy and Amtrak ticket online to get her home cause buying the Metrolink ticket took the last of her money.

Grrr.
I was annoyed. I had that small freak-out moment where I almost cried in public. I hate running out of money.
But all is well I guess.
I really like and love trains and riding them is such but Metrolink is such a pain int he rear-end. Whatever.

So then-Monday night-I had work (yes I know-just babysitting but it is regular and I get paid-i is my my job and work and yes im done defending that word. Heh)
I get there and the little 4-year old wants me to play with her and her barbie dolls.
So I do. So me her and her 2 yr old brother are sitting on their bedroom floor playing with them and Im dressing the barbie dolls cause it bugs the crap out of me when theyre naked. Heh.
And Im getting annoyed.
First off-Barbies pants are low. I dont remember them being low when I had them. And some of the dresses wouldnt only close a certain way in that the plastic boobs were like hanging out or the dress wouldnt close and that irked me. I mean-seriously? What is the message theyre sending??
And the final thing? She had a Belle barbie doll. Very pretty. Loved it. But-why oh why oh why-it was skiiinnnnnnyyyy. Really?
I remember Belle (the character) as this, yes petite, but curvy girl. Beautiful. wanted to be her.
And this doll was almost looking anorexic. Ugh.

I really hate that.
And not just because I'll ever be skinny like that. I like that im bigger and ahve more curves.
Heh. tangents. Moving on.


For those who dont know-Switchfoot has this new album coming out (Hello Hurricane, Nov 10). Ive pre-ordered, listening to recordings and previews of the new songs. Im pamped.(amped+pumped).
They redesigned their site. (Switchfoot.com)
hey put up a Bro-Am pic form this year. that I was at.
Im in that picture.
TWICE.
Heh. Im excited. Im happy.
There's a lot more going on, But Id just direct you to landofbrokenhearts.org and http://www.wereawakening.blogspot.com/ for all of that.=D

Okay-I know I know-long post.
But I havent posted for like two weeks. Heh.

I think though-theyre will be a short post tomorrow. A halloween memory if you will. And next month-well maybe I'll try and post more regurly like I used to. Heh.
Alright. Going to Michaels and then working tonight.
Busy busy life-But a good life!

Class Change

Currently: tired-d. Listening to music

So, I've been slightly sick lately. Mostly a head cold-started with a stuffy nose and now the nose is better but im coughing and feeling not so hot. Anyways, I decided to skip my french class last week. Wasnt too worried-just one class. Well, I woke up this morning feeling not too great again and decided to skip it.

And then I started thinking (since, for some reason, i could not get back to sleep) about dropping my french class. Ive thought about it before, but kept telling myself Id get over the hump and it would get easier.
That was 5 weeks ago.
Now-I still have a the same low percentage in the class and am only doing slightly better. The amount of work is stressful. People in the class who've taken french before say the class is hard. And here I am, a beginner.

so anyway. Maybe it was me being sick, or the fact that its finally raining, something.
I decided to drop to drop the class.
But at the same time I added another online music class so I can keep the 12 credits/units I need for health insurance.
Its a late start that starts next week, and I actually really like late-start condensed classes.

But anyways. I just felt you all should know about my change in school for now.
And now-trying to do a bit more homework and then get myself ready for math class.

C-c-c-changes

Currently: getting slightly frustrated at youtube. bah.

I have slightly big news.


I have a job. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

It is not sign-spinning (like I started originally looking for), at a grocery store (where my friend wants me to work with her) or even at a fast-food type place (thank goodness).
It is babysitting.

Im like, an official babysitter now. i find that cool for some reason.
Anyway-here's the story. I was online, looking for stuff and found this site, sittercity.com. So I made a profile for child care and pet care and something else and just daily looked at and applied for jobs that people posted.
Well, after a few weeks, I was finally able to find one. For a couple-basically a mom going back to school who just needs someone to watch the kids a couple days a week while she studies and runs errands and such.
Tomorrow I finish my first week there.
I love it. I think I've just had an attachment to kids lately.
And my life this week is filled with them. I've been babysitting and this month Im teaching kids church. And then Saturday I get to hang with the church kids at their Kids convention thing.

I have to tell you-its tiring. Beyond tiring. I want like a whole week to sleep and not worry about kids and homework-but I love it so much. Kids are such a blessing.

Anyways. Not much else-just super busy with school-or more namely, the homework from my classes. But its mostly going well, and Ive fallen into a pretty good routine of managing it all.
Which is better than a couple weeks ago, when I was just plain out stressed and feeling super-depressed.
Im mostly better now.
Been writing in my journal alot, kind of going through my own persona therapy/counseling.

I guess-what else? Went to a concert tonight.Jon Foreman.
ah, so happy. I needed a concert fix. And then there's Switchfoot concerts in November (But at the same time as thanksgiving and my cousin's wedding-oh the busyness!!!)
not much else.=) Just school, work, church, friends, kids, music, and of course God.

I dont think I wouldve gotten through lately without God. =)

I love the rain. And the reminder of rainbows.

Currently:listening to my mom talk, hoping for the wireless to magically pop up.

I love the rain. Now, some of you may wonder where this is coming from-Im in SoCal and it hasnt rained since...springtime.
And around this time we usually get fires and strong winds. But today, there was drizzle..of rain.

Today started out crappy for me. It got better bit by bit with getting to go home to nap and finding I aced mt stats test.
I had to go church for a meeting and spent the whole ride over writing in my journal. I've been doing this almost daily for a few days now and my head is still scrambled with thoughts. Anyways.

I get off and walk the little short couple of blocks from the station to the church and I feel warm wetness fall on me. The clouds are dark. all I could was smile and thank God.

I'm kind of weird from my friends for this. I would love rain all the time where I have friends who get tired of it quickly.
I've heard the metaphor that rain is God crying and its nice imagery, it is. But me? I see it a different way. Maybe its the deep attachment to when I used to talkto my Grandpa on the phone when it rained, I dont know.
I love it.
I love to dance, sing, and just be in it. When it rains, for me, its like God is just there, drenching me in himself. In his promises and dreams and hopes for me. For some, its a sad memory, and sometimes it is, but its one of the greatest things God made too.

I have been...beyond moody lately, and when my mood is swinging low, I wish for rain. I want it. Yearn for it. Sometimes I think I just associate rain with God and when I want rain, I want more of him.
To feel the slightest of rain today made me elated. And before I could look up at say thank you for the rain...I saw a rainbow.
I saw once I was at the church that it was a double-rainbow. But...a rainbow!
I cant remember the last time I saw one. And I will admit, I teared up at the rainbow.

Life hasnt been great lately in personal areas and to see a rainbow, to see something that God gave as a promise years ago, it felt personal. Like God has this divine appointment for me to be out of the house tonight, to see that it'll be okay.

But the thing about the rain tonight-It did not feel like September rain. It was like summer rain. Heavy and humid and you feel every little bit of it. Like God was just hanging in every atom where the rain was.
I was able to visit my old youth group for a bit tonight and hear the sermon and when I left-all I could think was how the sermon had been the like the rain earlier. The atmosphere was heavy and full-God in every moment and every word and heavy on every heart.

I love the rain. And God's presence in it.
And im glad, that with rain, there is the reminder of rainbows.=)

"Can your heart bend this much without breaking, "

Monday comes, when or where do you run to find a second start?
Where do you go when you're broken, alone, and Friday falls apart?
Yeah, yeah
All these questions are leaving her shaking
Can you be two girls in one?
Can your heart bend this much without breaking,
And you know that you know, and you can never have it both ways
Monday Comes Around-Switchfoot

Currently: listening to nothing. weird

I havent been meaning to not write. And its not even like Im super duper busy like I was a couple weeks ago.

so let me explain. I dont like to lie. And I can lie to myself much easier than anybody else.
I like be ing honest and being a truthful person and telling people the truth.
So Ive made my own personal policy of just admitting truths to myself before really saying or admitting them to anybody else.

With some things, it takes a while.
and I guess you could say Im going through some personal stuff that is just taking a while to get through and admit to myself. Im not quite ready to share it with the world quite yet.

Some of you may know what it is due to me hinting about it. So, I guess I just ask for prayer. I've been praying and thinking about things a lot and am not taking somewhat of a mental break.

I wish I could say more, but I cant.
Am off now to do housework thats been avoided. heheh.

But I am ALWAYS yours

this is the start
this is your heart
this is the day you were born
this is the sun
these are your lungs
this is the day you were born

and I am always yours 


these are the scars
deep in your heart
this is the place you were born
this is the hole
where most of your soul
comes ripping out
from the places you've been torn 


and it is always yours
but I am always yours

hallelujah!
I'm caving in
hallelujah!
I'm in love again
hallelujah!
I'm a wretched man
hallelujah!
every breath is a second chance

and it is always yours
and I am always yours 


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