Life without...cats.

(This is more or less a continuation of my last post.)

Last time after I wrote, I went to bed with kittens sleeping next to me. I curled up on the foot of my bed with a pillow and blanket.

When I woke up the mom was eating so I leaned over and counted the kittens.
9.
Nine kittens.
(That is a large litter for even a cat.)

The rest of day was spent normally with every member of family occasionally peaking into my room to see them.
I felt strange.
My heart was hurting over my own cat being lost.
But it was healing because of those births. Of the business of dealing with it.

But here's the thing. They weren't our cats.

As it is in apartment complexes, we got word around that the litter was born. That very night the owner came by.
I gently put them in a box and handed the cat and her litter over.
I was sad to see them go. Very sad.

But at the same time..there was so much relief on the owners face, it made me slightly happy. Because I know how it feels to not know where or how my own is doing.


That's the story.

Here's the update.

I will be getting a cat. Actually, my mom has kind of decided that maybe we'll get two cats once the kittens are weened off.
Having two together would give them someone to play with and maybe want to be inside more.
My mom and I also decided that we'd get them fixed right away and train them to be indoor cats. (I am not going through this fear again.)

If you're reading this and wondered about getting one of kittens-its a really good chance I can still get you one.
I mean...9 kittens. Just make sure you let me know and by the time they're weened I can probably get one to you. :)


Other than that. Life is normal again.
But its strange not having a cat.

Except for my 6th and 7th grade years-Ive always had a cat. Whether it was ours or a neighbor cat that visited frequently.
So this the first time in a while I haven't had a live furry animal to pet.

My dad and I talk about how we miss him. How you get so used to waking up to a meow or something that just sometimes you hear it in your mind.

I might sound like a cat lady-but I keep dreaming about my cat.
I think I'm finally coming to peace that he's..gone.
Its hard to think and admit but I know it'll be okay.

Hearts break..everyday. Over a lot of things.
Not just a boy or a girl.

But hearts are reformed and put together again every day too.

They are made stronger.

I know I know I know there is a reason for this.
I know there is.

Maybe I just needed to be sad and broken more a while. Its the only way I can be stronger than I already am.

My heart.

My cat went missing.
Hasn't been home since last Monday.

And until the other night I was fine. Then a thunderstorm blew through and my heart broke.
Some of you may not care, as it is just..a cat
But he was my cat. My baby. This furry black and white thing Ive had since he was born, who acted almost exactly like me.

My heart is breaking. I do not want to accept the truth that he might be gone forever.


But in a truly unexpected way, it is also healing.

This has been one of weeks where my heart is truly shone, where I cry at everything, where I am in just wonder and awe at God's power and how he works through everything.


My cat had a girlfriend.
This black and white cat who roamed the apartment complex.
She got pregnant. Considering she hung out with might cat, we figured it was his doing.

She's been coming to visit us more and more.

Today, she didn't leave our house.
Around 6 pm she went into labor.

And now, at 3:30 am, she is curled up on my bed with 7 newborn kittens.

I saw these kittens being born.

The miracle of birth is astonishing. Whether its a human, chicken, or cat. Its simply amazing.


My heart is healing.


My heart is breaking and healing because of the truth. Because of love, because of God.

And I realize, I know, that sometimes we have to be broken more to heal properly, to work better.


But as astonishing as this truth is, it still hurts.

I know I'll be fine. But now I am in a wandering state of mind.
Broken and healed.
Love.
And with God.

always.

Always with God.

And this post my friends..this is me being fully honest about things. No editing.
No going back and retyping my sentences.

I think it took my heart being more exposed for my truth to shine a little bit brighter.

The rain brings things...

Currently: hahhy.

So I joked a lot with some friends that they should send me snow even if it would be rain by the time it got here.

So I was happy when the weatherpeople said yes, we're getting lots of storms and lots of rain this week. (although I dont like the weatherman after the rain comes. I get that there's possibilities of thinks like mudslides and stuff, but stop complaining! Just enjoy our God given nature. I do.)

but like Ive said before, the rain always brings things.

Like my cat. He's been out almost all weekend came in today soaked and with a "owwie" on his head. And still-after eating, being petted, and getting dry, wants to go back out. crazy thing.

and school. Ive been thinking about switching schools and I found my password for the other community college close to me and called my friend to see if we could get the same classes. Ive still got ten little tiny details to work out, but I'll be doing all that this week.

My grandma leaves tomorrow. As we're getting the end tails of these huge storms, Im praying she makes it back to Portland safe. (She's going on train.)

Oh. And last night. I just had one girl in my class so while she did memory stuff I was able to sort through my papers and class materials and such.

:D

I took some lovely pictures of rain puddles and ripples today. But those are for another day.

My cat is a ferocious hunter, killer...thing.

Currently: should be in bed. winding down so I can sleep.

My cat is grossing me out.

Why?

Backstory: When my cat was around one years old, he used to go outside and bring in like half-dead/alive beatles and moths and then bat them around and play with them and then once they died...eat them.
It was cute. he was little and they were beatels and he's an animal.
One night he brought in this baby mouse and my mom freaked. The mouse ended up escaping.

We so no more live things for a while.

My cat still lvoes to play with things that move. he thing lately has been rubberbands. Wiggle one in front of him for long enough and he plays with it on his own.

So...Monday night. Im up way too late (so this more Tues morning) and I get up to check something for school real quick.
*Note* The next part if a little graphic and gross.
My cat was sitting in the living room with this very large mouse in his mouth (It might have been a rat, I wasnt really up to looking too close).
After figuring out it was dead and giving up on checking anything, my cat...started to eat it. I was grossed out. I went to take a shower. When I got out and was dressed in pj's and all that, it was gone. Except for certain mouse parts that my cat didnt eat. So I got to clean it up. One, because it grossed me out and two, I didnt want my mom freaking out in the morning.

I took pictures of this before and after because I thought my dad wouldnt believe me (He likes to make fun of my cat, call him Cowardly Lion and such).
Well, tonight, Im sitting here, doing my homework and my mom sees it first. He's brought in....a small dead bird.
We scooped it onto some paper and put it on the kitchen floor before my cat decided to be the wild animal he is and eat it.

Oye. Grossness.

Im too grossed out to post the pictures I took. I cant really look at them for too long, y'know?

Heh. Anyways. Thats all.

P.S. The "leftover" feathers from the bird are reminding of those cartoons when the cat would burp or have his mouth stuffed and feathers would come flying out.
LOL. So wrong, but Im giggling.