"You are the hope, that keeps me trusting."

This song has been stuck in my head.
I love it. Its applicable to my life and I always feel the need to share it.
(There is the famous skit to this song to, but as a musician, I fall much more in love with the song and the words)

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I need these 10 minutes, I need this honesty.

Currently: listening to this song.

My last post-the one wrote yesterday and just now posted. It scares me.

I wanted to write what Im now added to it, but I knew it I couldnt.

Because now Im talking about fear and honesty.

Ive been very scared with my life lately. And its because I know that God has not only placed me in a time of my life I dont understand, but situations are completely new and foreign to me too.

But at the same time, its forced me to be be more honest.
Mostly more honest in general, but more importantly, more honest to myself.

Here's the thing. I need this. I need God.

I dont care if you read my blog or not, agree with my life and opinions or not, cause this is me.

And me? As scary as it is to admit I have issues just to spend 10 minutes with God, Im being honest about my situation.

I need those 10 minutes to be away.

I need to be honest about how it went too.

I am me when I write and sing and worship. But if you ask me how I am in person, I bend my truth. I routinely say "fine, okay".

I am scared of getting my heart hurt horribly hurt again, even when Im happiest Ive ever been in my life.

But I want to be truthful. I am sick and tired of the drama and games of hiding old fears, of not working them out.

Sometimes that includes my worries that Im still depressed or that I'll never work out a "normal life" that a lot of people want for me.

But it also includes how great life is, how much God has blessed it.

I am scared, but I am honest in this new time of my life.
Im not sure which part of it is bigger.

I love the old parts, I love the comfort, But I have so much wanderlust.
I have feelings of temporanyiness and like I'll be somewhere else soon.

And Im so so so ready for it.

Ties to the World

Currently: in need of a nap. or something

My church is doing this 20/10 thing this year. Im not exactly sure on all the details cause for the whole first month of this year I missed the sermons and what not but essentially what it is, is for 20 days in a month, to spend 10 minutes a day with God.

I didnt do it last month due to just not understanding for some reason and in my mind being busy.
I knew I wouldnt do it if I wasnt reminded every week by pastor. Which is just..horrible.

Anyways. My church is doing it again this month and im going to try.

I just.."tried" now... I didnt think it would be this hard. Maybe its because its early in the morning and im frustrated with school and my net and its really early in the morning (I'll prolly post this much later) and other little things
BUT
I come to God so so so easily on Sunday Mornings for prayer sessions that last longer.
I stand and sing worship for so much longer.

So.Why?
Why is it harder in my home? For ten minutes?
To put on something like Lifehouse's "Everything" and just close my eyes and sing?
Maybe its because..my computer is here. My books. My phone. My distractions. My world.
All my ties to everything are here.

At church, its sanctuary, its safe. Its me and God. At home, its me and who I let in.

Ive been to conventions and camps where the theme was "Stop the Noise".
And it needs to be said. world noise, inner noise, personal noise, is so loud, so disruptive, so consuming and taking charge of our lives.

Has it become this hard to remind ourselves to take ten minutes away from it all?

My Favorite Month.

Currently: House in on. (I was watching Jeopardy before that. College week!)

Okay, here goes my first post for this month.
Oh and look at the pretty NaBloPoMo badge!
Eee. Heh.

I like February. Its my favorite month. Its that perfect bwtn Winter and Spring month and has my cats birthday, my birthday.
Im indifferent to VDay.
Oh. Had a meeting for kids church yesterday. Makes me very very excited for my church and our kids program.
I'll be a bit busier but we're doing things that hopefully make the kids happier and I love that part of it. :)

Not much else. Planning a long day at school tomorrow.

OH.ALSO.
I edited my blog a little bit but please please please let me know if i dont have your blog on my blogroll thing. Mmk?
At some point, im gonna go edit old posts and put more tags in. Its weird to see how much I post about what.
Alright. Im done.

Best...Writing.

Currently: really really tired.

It's the last day of the month.
So thoughts on the NaBloPoMo thing?
I mostly like it. Its fun and I like writing and sharing things.

The only stretch for me? Posting every single day. Sometimes Im too busy or tired and just dont have the inspiration, motivation.

But it got more thinking about what I do write, how I write, what I share.

Im thinking of doing like a scheadule thing. Maybe share a bunch of links one day a week, take a couple days off.

Edit.
So I wrote all that yesterday and had to get offline with the intention of coming back and posting before going to bed.
iFail. (I do it ALOT).

I dont have much to add to what I already wrote.
I did sign up for the month of Feb for NaBloPoMo. I dont expect to post EVERY SINGLE DAY,
but we'll see.
The theme is ties. Ties to things. Hmm. This could be interesting.
Im more or less likely being connected to bigger group of bloggers.
Alrighty. Back to thy lives people.