Every day of your life, you change the world.

"Every day of your life, you change the world. Absolutely, yes, we're out to change the world. I mean, you change it whether you like it or not. You wake up and you talk to the grocer. You either kick your dog or you pet him. There's a million decisions you have every day where you change the world."-Jon Foreman

I need to write.
But I'm jittery. Thinking about lots of things but jumping between them and not sticking to one thought.
I'm hoping writing will calm me done and let me sleep.
If i can sleep on the right schedule I can wake up and do what I need to.
Supposedly. Allegedly. Easier said than done sorta thing.

I'm really tired of thinking and not doing. I'm good at it and that scares me. want to get better at doing things. Not for myself or to make my parents have a better view of me or even for my friends or those how look up to me and at what I do.
But for God.
No I don't know exactly what he has planned for my life but i know it'll be big and that in involves doing things; living life. Changing the world.
Or at least a person.

I love winter sure. But I'm tired of being cooped up. f feeling like my depression might slip back in and take full force like it did my junior yr. My scary year. I know I freaked out a lot of people. In truth, I freaked out myself. So I didn't think about what I was doing. I just went with it.

I'm almost nineteen now. Things should be way different. I can't tell if they are. I rely on those around me and their words. I have to trust. I have issues with trust.
It's taken me this long to trust God with my life and heart and mind.
Yet I'm open to talking about what's going on in my life, even if there are things I don't want to talk or think about, let alone touch the topic of.
So complex and weird.

Okay me and my cat are off to read more about Bilbo and Gandalf and those dwarves. After Bilbo gets away Gollum.
LOTR makes a lot more sense when you've read The Hobbit.