currently: uploading youtube videos.
Even though its on been a couple days since my last post, I feel like I've been away for a long time.
Thursday I went to the beach and then Friday and Saturday were switchfoot concerts and hanging with boardies.
Man, there is so much to tell about.
I remember thinking during the Del Mar concert, Each song in itself is an event. Whether its the crowd favorites that Jon lets us sing for and with him or new songs where you have just small random groups singing with because we lurk on youtube and figure out the lyrics.
I feel like a need a week to soak in the essentials of my glorious weekend, but alas, I had today to sleep in and now I need to catch up on homework and then go to school tomorrow.
I will write a long review and blog of what happened and how it was. I promise. Its just my skin is still red and my hair still holds the heat of the sun. Yesterday I got home and felt like I still had my sunglasses on my head.
But for now.
Del Mar pics
Bro-Am pics
And when I finally get them all uploaded on my youtube
Videos
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Late Nights Thoughts/Fathers Day
Currently: listening to this.
Yes, I know. I'm a regular daily poster lately.
But a thought: I think love and saying "I love you" gets harder and more involved the older you get.
There's so much more to it.
But yea.
Random gem of the night; My cat ate like 90% of a wishbone. Aha.
Okay, bed. I run media in morning.
Happy Fathers Day everyone. Go give your dad a big ole hug and kiss.
Yes, I know. I'm a regular daily poster lately.
But a thought: I think love and saying "I love you" gets harder and more involved the older you get.
There's so much more to it.
But yea.
Random gem of the night; My cat ate like 90% of a wishbone. Aha.
Okay, bed. I run media in morning.
Happy Fathers Day everyone. Go give your dad a big ole hug and kiss.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Life events can take their toll on you.
Currently: half-watching The Four Feathers and doing random facebook stuff.
This week has been a weird one for me.
First off-I started school again. And not even another high school or the adult program at a college-but actual community college. And not just one class during high school- but as a starting off college student.
I've used parts of brain more, written more, come home not exhausted, but brain-dead.
And then today. i though maybe a good day-have the apartment to myself and get my typing stuff done.
but instead i was just bored.
my body adjusted back to school and study mode so quickly that couldn't quite enjoy my day off.
Maybe a part of it was something that happened this week. On Wed my brother had a seizure. Now he has Ausbergers, which is this really mild form of Autism, but if his sleeping scheadule gets thrown-like he takes a couple random naps-he might have a seizure.
The first one was 2 summers ago. It's been a long time since he's had one.
He had two within the past week.
So he went to the doctor Wed and today.
Now he has to take daily anti-seizure medication.
I dont know what to feel for him.
Ive been in that place where I was supposed to take daily meds and they were horrible. I hated it and still dont have good feelings towards anti-depressants.
He's also getting that kind of attention no one likes to get. From parents and doctors and every one you know. He saw me go through it and since the seizures started, he's understood better and not liked it himself.
And then I get thoughts like-what is with my family? That one little thing happens in our lives and after some time we have to take pills? And see a doctor every so months?
Is it us? Or is it the world?
We also have to shave his head in a month for one of those brain scans. And the pills might reduce his appetite, which could help him lose weight.
But I dont trust it.
I have more trust that God will do something.
Im hoping for better for him. Better than what I went through. He's smarter than I was.
This week has been a weird one for me.
First off-I started school again. And not even another high school or the adult program at a college-but actual community college. And not just one class during high school- but as a starting off college student.
I've used parts of brain more, written more, come home not exhausted, but brain-dead.
And then today. i though maybe a good day-have the apartment to myself and get my typing stuff done.
but instead i was just bored.
my body adjusted back to school and study mode so quickly that couldn't quite enjoy my day off.
Maybe a part of it was something that happened this week. On Wed my brother had a seizure. Now he has Ausbergers, which is this really mild form of Autism, but if his sleeping scheadule gets thrown-like he takes a couple random naps-he might have a seizure.
The first one was 2 summers ago. It's been a long time since he's had one.
He had two within the past week.
So he went to the doctor Wed and today.
Now he has to take daily anti-seizure medication.
I dont know what to feel for him.
Ive been in that place where I was supposed to take daily meds and they were horrible. I hated it and still dont have good feelings towards anti-depressants.
He's also getting that kind of attention no one likes to get. From parents and doctors and every one you know. He saw me go through it and since the seizures started, he's understood better and not liked it himself.
And then I get thoughts like-what is with my family? That one little thing happens in our lives and after some time we have to take pills? And see a doctor every so months?
Is it us? Or is it the world?
We also have to shave his head in a month for one of those brain scans. And the pills might reduce his appetite, which could help him lose weight.
But I dont trust it.
I have more trust that God will do something.
Im hoping for better for him. Better than what I went through. He's smarter than I was.
Friday, June 19, 2009
"And I love you, just how you are"
And I love you for who you are
And I love you, just how you are
You are, you are the only one for me
And you are, you are the only one for me
I tried for years to get this right
And I’m not about to lose this fight.
To lose this fight
Perfect Time-We Shot The Moon (Free album)
*For those viewing this on Fbook and not blogger: www.weshotthemoon.com/freeAnd I love you, just how you are
You are, you are the only one for me
And you are, you are the only one for me
I tried for years to get this right
And I’m not about to lose this fight.
To lose this fight
Perfect Time-We Shot The Moon (Free album)
Currently: listening to Belated Promise Ring - Iron & Wine
I really should be in bed. But Im really awake and I get to sleep in today. Heh
TENS THINGS ABOUT YOU
1. Are you single?: Very.
2. Are you happy?: Mmhm
3. Are you bored?: Right now? I'm easily entertained.
4. Are you sad?: No. Not completely.
5. Are you Italian?: Nopers
6. Are you smart?: Smart enough.
8. Are you blonde?: Hecks no.
9. Are you Irish?: Negative
10. Are your parents still married?: Mmhm =)
TEN FACTS
1. Name - Amy H.
2. Birthplace - Escondido
3. Hair color - Dark dark dark brown.
4. Hair style - Long and layered.
5. Eye colour - Hazel.
6. Birthday - Feb 23
7. Mood - All over. Giddy.Sleepy.
8. Favourite colour - Amethyst
9. Where do you live - my mind. Haha. SoCal.
10. Left or right handed?: Righty
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Are you ready to find someone?: Am I ready? Maybe, maybe not
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Kind of. Not in the typical way
3. Who ended your last relationship?: Me.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally?: Yea.
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart?: I dont know. Guys never say but I think I did =(
6. Last place you went on a date?: Never been on a date.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?: Heh. Yes.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?: Hecks no
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week?: Duh.
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer?: LOL. How would I know?
TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust?: Love
2. Where did two go? It ran away?
3. Cats or dogs?: Cats
4. A few best friends or many regular friends?: A few bests.
5. Mcdonalds or burger king?: Ew.
6. Pepsi or coke?: Strawberry lemonade!
7. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Depends with who and whats going on and what we feel like.
8. Money or Happiness?: Happiness.
9. Night or day?: Night.
10. MSN or phone?: MSN
TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out?: Nope.
2. Been skinny dipping?: Heckers no
3. Done something you regret?: I used to regret it.
4. Bungee jumped?: No...
5. Lied to someone you love?: Mhm. Although I try to only do when I need to.
6. Finished an entire jawbreaker?: Maybe.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?: Wanted. Yes. Still want? No.
9. Cried because you lost a pet?: There's a day that sticks out in my mind.
10. Wanted to disappear?: Soo many times.
TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made: Mom
2. Last phone call you received: Dad.
3. Last person you hung out with: Mary
4. Last place you went: College group
5. Last person you tackled: Lol. Jenn.
6. Last person you IM'd: Tom =)
7. Last text message you received: Mom
8. Last time you got flowers: 15th birthday.
9. Last person you miss?: So many...
10. Person you wanna be with right now?: You =)
People say you learn something new everyday; what did you learn today?
It relates to my Philosphy class, you might not understand it.
If you could get your own house with 1 friend, who would you pick?
Mary.
Do you think you are more of a good or bad influence?
Good
If you jump, can you touch the ceiling of the room you're in?
I thinks so.
When was the last time you stayed up really late on the phone? Who to?
Most likely an ex.
Or Karen
I dont remember
If you had to be a teacher, what subject would you be able to teach best?
Music. or math.
In your opinion what is the worst type of weather?
Blazing hot.
Do you look anything like your best friend(s)?
Nothing like them.
If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you paint it?
Lavender probably. And then a mural
Sleep with anyone last night?
My cat...
Would you rather be 3 inches taller or shorter than you are now?
Taller please!
If you could have any wild animal as a pet, what would you pick?
white tiger.
Listening to music at the moment?
Yup.
Name somewhere you'd love to travel to?
Europe.
Kissed someone who's name started with an M, A, N or S?
M.
Will you be dating in 6 months?
No.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
I've had one that lasted that long.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
Lol. I dont know.
Who is the one person who really understands you?
God
What are you stressed out about?
Oye.School
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Always
Do you act differently around the person you like?
Mmm, maybe, maybe not.
Where's your best guy friend?
Asleep.
Want someone back in your life?
Mhm
Have you ever lost a best friend?
Yes.
Do you believe that you can change for someone?
You can yes. If you should..I dunno.
Where did you get your last bruise?
God only knows. I think my cat.
What jewelery are you wearing?
my rings and my necklace and my earrings.
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Duh
Last person of the opposite sex that told you they loved you?
Uhm.....
My brother?
Do you like to cuddle?
Mmmmhm
You ever been called babe?
Yes. -_-
Do you have anything that belongs to an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope.
Are you good at giving directions?
Lol. Im okay.
Where do you see yourself in 2 years?
Older.
What about relationship wise in 2 years?
Maybe. Thats still very uncertain.
Who was the first person you talked to today?
Mom.
If you could have one person with you right now, who would it be?
I dont think i could pick just one
What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Sleeping
Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Most likely.
Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you'd get?
Lol. Maybe. not that Id remember it.
Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds?
Definitely.
When was the last time someone let you know you are loved?
Like actually said the words "I love you" to me?
I dont remember.
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Tom. Over IM.
When was the last time you cried?
Sometimes this week.
What time did you wake up today?
9:40ish. Had to race to get ready for school.
Is it cute when a boy/girl call you babe/baby?
Ehhhhh. Ima go with no.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
My parents bed. Or the car. Or the chair in the living room
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I dunno.
1. Are you single?: Very.
2. Are you happy?: Mmhm
3. Are you bored?: Right now? I'm easily entertained.
4. Are you sad?: No. Not completely.
5. Are you Italian?: Nopers
6. Are you smart?: Smart enough.
8. Are you blonde?: Hecks no.
9. Are you Irish?: Negative
10. Are your parents still married?: Mmhm =)
TEN FACTS
1. Name - Amy H.
2. Birthplace - Escondido
3. Hair color - Dark dark dark brown.
4. Hair style - Long and layered.
5. Eye colour - Hazel.
6. Birthday - Feb 23
7. Mood - All over. Giddy.Sleepy.
8. Favourite colour - Amethyst
9. Where do you live - my mind. Haha. SoCal.
10. Left or right handed?: Righty
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Are you ready to find someone?: Am I ready? Maybe, maybe not
2. Do you believe in love at first sight?: Kind of. Not in the typical way
3. Who ended your last relationship?: Me.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally?: Yea.
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart?: I dont know. Guys never say but I think I did =(
6. Last place you went on a date?: Never been on a date.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them?: Heh. Yes.
8. Are you afraid of commitment?: Hecks no
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week?: Duh.
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer?: LOL. How would I know?
TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust?: Love
2. Where did two go? It ran away?
3. Cats or dogs?: Cats
4. A few best friends or many regular friends?: A few bests.
5. Mcdonalds or burger king?: Ew.
6. Pepsi or coke?: Strawberry lemonade!
7. Wild night out or romantic night in?: Depends with who and whats going on and what we feel like.
8. Money or Happiness?: Happiness.
9. Night or day?: Night.
10. MSN or phone?: MSN
TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out?: Nope.
2. Been skinny dipping?: Heckers no
3. Done something you regret?: I used to regret it.
4. Bungee jumped?: No...
5. Lied to someone you love?: Mhm. Although I try to only do when I need to.
6. Finished an entire jawbreaker?: Maybe.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back?: Wanted. Yes. Still want? No.
9. Cried because you lost a pet?: There's a day that sticks out in my mind.
10. Wanted to disappear?: Soo many times.
TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made: Mom
2. Last phone call you received: Dad.
3. Last person you hung out with: Mary
4. Last place you went: College group
5. Last person you tackled: Lol. Jenn.
6. Last person you IM'd: Tom =)
7. Last text message you received: Mom
8. Last time you got flowers: 15th birthday.
9. Last person you miss?: So many...
10. Person you wanna be with right now?: You =)
People say you learn something new everyday; what did you learn today?
It relates to my Philosphy class, you might not understand it.
If you could get your own house with 1 friend, who would you pick?
Mary.
Do you think you are more of a good or bad influence?
Good
If you jump, can you touch the ceiling of the room you're in?
I thinks so.
When was the last time you stayed up really late on the phone? Who to?
Most likely an ex.
Or Karen
I dont remember
If you had to be a teacher, what subject would you be able to teach best?
Music. or math.
In your opinion what is the worst type of weather?
Blazing hot.
Do you look anything like your best friend(s)?
Nothing like them.
If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you paint it?
Lavender probably. And then a mural
Sleep with anyone last night?
My cat...
Would you rather be 3 inches taller or shorter than you are now?
Taller please!
If you could have any wild animal as a pet, what would you pick?
white tiger.
Listening to music at the moment?
Yup.
Name somewhere you'd love to travel to?
Europe.
Kissed someone who's name started with an M, A, N or S?
M.
Will you be dating in 6 months?
No.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?
I've had one that lasted that long.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
Lol. I dont know.
Who is the one person who really understands you?
God
What are you stressed out about?
Oye.School
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
Always
Do you act differently around the person you like?
Mmm, maybe, maybe not.
Where's your best guy friend?
Asleep.
Want someone back in your life?
Mhm
Have you ever lost a best friend?
Yes.
Do you believe that you can change for someone?
You can yes. If you should..I dunno.
Where did you get your last bruise?
God only knows. I think my cat.
What jewelery are you wearing?
my rings and my necklace and my earrings.
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Duh
Last person of the opposite sex that told you they loved you?
Uhm.....
My brother?
Do you like to cuddle?
Mmmmhm
You ever been called babe?
Yes. -_-
Do you have anything that belongs to an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nope.
Are you good at giving directions?
Lol. Im okay.
Where do you see yourself in 2 years?
Older.
What about relationship wise in 2 years?
Maybe. Thats still very uncertain.
Who was the first person you talked to today?
Mom.
If you could have one person with you right now, who would it be?
I dont think i could pick just one
What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Sleeping
Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Most likely.
Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you'd get?
Lol. Maybe. not that Id remember it.
Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds?
Definitely.
When was the last time someone let you know you are loved?
Like actually said the words "I love you" to me?
I dont remember.
Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Tom. Over IM.
When was the last time you cried?
Sometimes this week.
What time did you wake up today?
9:40ish. Had to race to get ready for school.
Is it cute when a boy/girl call you babe/baby?
Ehhhhh. Ima go with no.
Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed?
My parents bed. Or the car. Or the chair in the living room
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I dunno.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Suprising Myself./ Irony.
Currently: Audrey, Start the Revolution!-Anberlin
Two blogs in one day? Well, yes that's what happens when I have an hour to kill before class and then a interesting day.
Well first off, I woke dead tired. And annoyed. so I wrote. And then I was checking my twitter and saw that Switchfoot updated theirs with the track listing of their new album coming out in Sept.
So exciting.
And then went to school and it was really good. My teachers are chill. The kids in my class are nice and way easy to talk to. I dunno. It was good. I didn't even my annoying hunger headache between classes.
Class ended, bought my bus pass, came home, and then spent the next couple hours checking stuff and then working on my typing class stuff. (Im behind but hopeful I can work it up to where it needs to be).
Of course, when mom came home with food, I was brain dead again.
I think its just the fact that I have Philosophy and English from 10 to 2:30 and then dont know quite how much of my brain I need to use once I'm home. So I get beyond tired and almost zombie like. Lol
But-I just realized something really ironic. all my "hard" classes in Middle School and High School that were supposed to better prepare me for college were taught by beyond tough teachers.
So whenever I think about signing up for classes, I freak that I'll get that tough teacher.
The ironic thing?
Everytime I've taken a college class, I've gotten the really chill teacher. The "Just let me know and it'll be okay" teachers.
I don't know. I just find it ironic. it makes me laugh
But as I said, I'm a bit brain-dead and beyond tired right now so really dumb things could make me laugh.
Alright. Am going to do the little bit of homework I have for Eng and Phil now.
Oh, something else. I like how I've been surprising myself. True, its only been a couple days into the semester, but Im better suited and a better student with more college like classes. i want it to stick. I like this.
Two blogs in one day? Well, yes that's what happens when I have an hour to kill before class and then a interesting day.
Well first off, I woke dead tired. And annoyed. so I wrote. And then I was checking my twitter and saw that Switchfoot updated theirs with the track listing of their new album coming out in Sept.
So exciting.
And then went to school and it was really good. My teachers are chill. The kids in my class are nice and way easy to talk to. I dunno. It was good. I didn't even my annoying hunger headache between classes.
Class ended, bought my bus pass, came home, and then spent the next couple hours checking stuff and then working on my typing class stuff. (Im behind but hopeful I can work it up to where it needs to be).
Of course, when mom came home with food, I was brain dead again.
I think its just the fact that I have Philosophy and English from 10 to 2:30 and then dont know quite how much of my brain I need to use once I'm home. So I get beyond tired and almost zombie like. Lol
But-I just realized something really ironic. all my "hard" classes in Middle School and High School that were supposed to better prepare me for college were taught by beyond tough teachers.
So whenever I think about signing up for classes, I freak that I'll get that tough teacher.
The ironic thing?
Everytime I've taken a college class, I've gotten the really chill teacher. The "Just let me know and it'll be okay" teachers.
I don't know. I just find it ironic. it makes me laugh
But as I said, I'm a bit brain-dead and beyond tired right now so really dumb things could make me laugh.
Alright. Am going to do the little bit of homework I have for Eng and Phil now.
Oh, something else. I like how I've been surprising myself. True, its only been a couple days into the semester, but Im better suited and a better student with more college like classes. i want it to stick. I like this.
AM? Why?
Currently: listening to Anberlin. Okay a playlist with mostly Anberlin.
It's making me feel better.
I came home yesterday on bus feeling hopeful about this summer semester. Thought "I can do this".
And then proceeded to spend the rest of the night getting stuck on stuff from my typing class.
And then there was the staying up too late because I couldn't burn some songs to a CD which just upset me but whatever.
I don't feel good.
In fact, I am discouraged.
Starting to think I may have stressed over a couple things too much in the past couple days.
Ugh. Can it be Thursday? So the school week can be over and I have college group? Please?
Alright. Going to find out where my mother is and try and get some homework done real quick.
It's making me feel better.
I came home yesterday on bus feeling hopeful about this summer semester. Thought "I can do this".
And then proceeded to spend the rest of the night getting stuck on stuff from my typing class.
And then there was the staying up too late because I couldn't burn some songs to a CD which just upset me but whatever.
I don't feel good.
In fact, I am discouraged.
Starting to think I may have stressed over a couple things too much in the past couple days.
Ugh. Can it be Thursday? So the school week can be over and I have college group? Please?
Alright. Going to find out where my mother is and try and get some homework done real quick.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Secrets/Annoyance.
Currently: Watching Pirates 3 with the dad and brother. and trying not to annoyed that I slept this morning instead of going to church.
Should I feel bad? I don't know? Plenty of people oversleep and miss church and it's not like God is going to smite me for it, but still I feel bad. I miss seeing people. Maybe it's just cause I don't just wake up, throw on clothes and drive 10 or 20 minutes to wherever. I go to a different church than my parents and it requires this effort of me getting up and taking what I need for at least half a day or more and having either one my parents drive me 20 or 30 minutes to there and drop me off and then them driving back and then me finding a way home. which lately has not been hang out with people after and have mom get me in the afternoon. No, I've taken the sprinter home, which takes anywhere from 30 mins to an hour cause I go sprinter to bus and...yea.
It is truly exhausting after a while.
I hate asking for rides.
But going to church with mom tonight for Girls Clubs so anyways.
ugh. I shouldn't complain. I know this probably just part of growing up and being "grow-up".
I start my summer classes tomorrow. I was up half the night just thinking about that and some crap I have going on with a couple friends. Stuff that...I shouldn't let bug me too much but I care about it.
Could not sleep last night. So annoying.
I'm going to copy Mellie again and do a "Secrets" post. Things I want to say to people.
--
You always throw a wrench into my plans and what I think. But I never complain, as much as it may sidetrack me. I like the suprise of you too much.
--
It hurts too much to try anymore. I don't feel the need to try. Or the want to fix what happened.
--
I'm sorry I ouldn't have been better and fit into the plans we had when I was little. I wanted it too.
--
I miss when you and I were best friends.
--
It not a secret that you confuse the crap out of me. But I soend hours trying to figure out stuff you say.
--
You inspire the crap out of me. I just think of you and can write a couple songs.
--
I love you all more than you will ever know.
--
All I can do right now is try. Trust me-I want to be doing more than that-but trying is all I can do right now.
--
I didn't tell you the full truth when I answered that question. Because the whole truth scares the crap out of me.
--
I hate when I miss you this much. Can you cme back here and just...stay?
--
Should I feel bad? I don't know? Plenty of people oversleep and miss church and it's not like God is going to smite me for it, but still I feel bad. I miss seeing people. Maybe it's just cause I don't just wake up, throw on clothes and drive 10 or 20 minutes to wherever. I go to a different church than my parents and it requires this effort of me getting up and taking what I need for at least half a day or more and having either one my parents drive me 20 or 30 minutes to there and drop me off and then them driving back and then me finding a way home. which lately has not been hang out with people after and have mom get me in the afternoon. No, I've taken the sprinter home, which takes anywhere from 30 mins to an hour cause I go sprinter to bus and...yea.
It is truly exhausting after a while.
I hate asking for rides.
But going to church with mom tonight for Girls Clubs so anyways.
ugh. I shouldn't complain. I know this probably just part of growing up and being "grow-up".
I start my summer classes tomorrow. I was up half the night just thinking about that and some crap I have going on with a couple friends. Stuff that...I shouldn't let bug me too much but I care about it.
Could not sleep last night. So annoying.
I'm going to copy Mellie again and do a "Secrets" post. Things I want to say to people.
--
You always throw a wrench into my plans and what I think. But I never complain, as much as it may sidetrack me. I like the suprise of you too much.
--
It hurts too much to try anymore. I don't feel the need to try. Or the want to fix what happened.
--
I'm sorry I ouldn't have been better and fit into the plans we had when I was little. I wanted it too.
--
I miss when you and I were best friends.
--
It not a secret that you confuse the crap out of me. But I soend hours trying to figure out stuff you say.
--
You inspire the crap out of me. I just think of you and can write a couple songs.
--
I love you all more than you will ever know.
--
All I can do right now is try. Trust me-I want to be doing more than that-but trying is all I can do right now.
--
I didn't tell you the full truth when I answered that question. Because the whole truth scares the crap out of me.
--
I hate when I miss you this much. Can you cme back here and just...stay?
--
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
It's late.
but I couldn't sleep.
New poem and song and up on my other blog ( http://writinggravityaway.blogspot.com/ )
Off to write more.
New poem and song and up on my other blog ( http://writinggravityaway.blogspot.com/ )
Off to write more.
Monday, June 8, 2009
A random burst of ephiphany
Currently: listening to miserabile visu {ex malo bonum} -Anberlin
(Note: I'm going to be straight about a couple things, so if this blogs offends, sorry.)
My brain made a connection today that it has needed to make for months now.
For a while I kept thinking about clean breaks. How clean breaks are easier to fix. How almost nothing in my life has been "easy" to "fix".
And then on the cruise, our speaker said that break-up's are just the kind of thing that don't clean up easy. It made sense.
He said something else.
Now before this, I'd learned in different relationships, bonds are made. Different bonds, different ways.
In marriage, one of those is sex. The bond made by that is the reason people shouldn't have sex before marriage. It makes it harder afterwards if you break up.
But the speaker on the cruise said something. It's not the sex, its the orgasm itself.
The way my brain has simply put and applied it to other things in my life-the happier it makes you, the harder it will to be let go.
It makes freakin sense. I get why now there were certain things and people I didnt care about when I let go of because they didn't necessarily have that much meaning in my life where as other things hurt me greatly.
The difference between really caring and not caring is huge.
Thats all I wanted to share. I'm spent. For a handful of reasons, today was mentally exhausting.
(Note: I'm going to be straight about a couple things, so if this blogs offends, sorry.)
My brain made a connection today that it has needed to make for months now.
For a while I kept thinking about clean breaks. How clean breaks are easier to fix. How almost nothing in my life has been "easy" to "fix".
And then on the cruise, our speaker said that break-up's are just the kind of thing that don't clean up easy. It made sense.
He said something else.
Now before this, I'd learned in different relationships, bonds are made. Different bonds, different ways.
In marriage, one of those is sex. The bond made by that is the reason people shouldn't have sex before marriage. It makes it harder afterwards if you break up.
But the speaker on the cruise said something. It's not the sex, its the orgasm itself.
The way my brain has simply put and applied it to other things in my life-the happier it makes you, the harder it will to be let go.
It makes freakin sense. I get why now there were certain things and people I didnt care about when I let go of because they didn't necessarily have that much meaning in my life where as other things hurt me greatly.
The difference between really caring and not caring is huge.
Thats all I wanted to share. I'm spent. For a handful of reasons, today was mentally exhausting.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.
God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. -C.S.Lewis
Currently:
Taking a break from putting numbers in my new cell.
Listening to Sooner or Later (Elektra Version)-Switchfoot.
I like this version better than the album version. Heh.
So someone brought up that this is the weekend that the Switchfoot bro-Am usually happens. Not this year.
This reminded of something.
You see, I had this really stupid fling or w/e something and I ended up breaking it off right before the Bro-Am last year. (No-I didn't plan to break-up with someone before summer started, last year was crazy enough in itself)
But basically, my point is, I've been single for a year now.
I'm not sure what to feel. Part of me feels accomplished. I promised myself and God no dating for at least two years and I've made it to my essential half-way point, even with certain things that have happened.
I know it's not huge or big by any means, but I'm bad at keeping certain promises, and I'm over the moon that this pact between me and God is holding strong.
There is another part of me that feels lonely, but I think that just comes with being single. I've dealt with, over the past few months, my wants and needs, and how different they are.
How, after a while, I do want to date again, but am not quite ready, even if there is or isnt a great guy waiting in the wings for me. God only knows right?
I'm trusting God on this.
He'll tell me when the time is right.
Wow.Anyways, playing a duet of sorts in worship tomorrow (with the worship pastor-she plays keyboard) I have the melody part. Eep.
Night all. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Currently:
Taking a break from putting numbers in my new cell.
Listening to Sooner or Later (Elektra Version)-Switchfoot.
I like this version better than the album version. Heh.
So someone brought up that this is the weekend that the Switchfoot bro-Am usually happens. Not this year.
This reminded of something.
You see, I had this really stupid fling or w/e something and I ended up breaking it off right before the Bro-Am last year. (No-I didn't plan to break-up with someone before summer started, last year was crazy enough in itself)
But basically, my point is, I've been single for a year now.
I'm not sure what to feel. Part of me feels accomplished. I promised myself and God no dating for at least two years and I've made it to my essential half-way point, even with certain things that have happened.
I know it's not huge or big by any means, but I'm bad at keeping certain promises, and I'm over the moon that this pact between me and God is holding strong.
There is another part of me that feels lonely, but I think that just comes with being single. I've dealt with, over the past few months, my wants and needs, and how different they are.
How, after a while, I do want to date again, but am not quite ready, even if there is or isnt a great guy waiting in the wings for me. God only knows right?
I'm trusting God on this.
He'll tell me when the time is right.
Wow.Anyways, playing a duet of sorts in worship tomorrow (with the worship pastor-she plays keyboard) I have the melody part. Eep.
Night all. Have a great and blessed Sunday.
Monday, June 1, 2009
"Now I'm chained to my thoughts again. "
Currently: listening to Anberlin's New Surrender album. And half watching t.v. Moms flipping between this new lifetime that's four hours long and Medium.
I forgot about this. When I sleep on a regular scheadule and wake up at a normal-ish time, I get tired way more early.
Although I think I'll let myself blame the weird body feelings on the fact that I got used to the sea quickly and I spent a whole day being queasy once getting back on land.
I'm not so sure I can summarize the cruise. There were so many good times, so may memories to digest and remember for the rest of my life. So much to think about.
Well there was the main thing for me. We are a college group from a church so our leader invited a speaker. A professor from Vanguard University. He was really cool. He spoke four times to us, the main theme being Spiritual Leadership. and it was just..good. Filling.
Like sometimes I feel like I haven't had a huge connection with God for a while, and then remember that he maybe showed me something within the last week and then I fall into this weird mood, but I felt better after all these sessions. and it was different. adult-like. It wasn't anything similar to 17yr old me breaking down on a convention floor. It was being able to talk about wide and vast things and just really take it in as an adult.
Having think about it, I was more of an adult. i am more of an adult.
i'm growing up.
Man that concept scares me. I don't think I'll ever really grow up, just seem like it, you know?
Anyway, we ended up reading Genesis 1, 2, and 3. Like really reading it. And asking the questions Who are we and What are we here for?
Big huge questions. The kind people spend whole lifetimes trying to answer.
And the answers?
We are the image of God.
And we are here to rule the world.
In Jesus name.
And there's stuff to it. Like how us, humans, ruling over animlas meaning caring for them and giving out names means we have leadership over them. And how that image of God, how we, are distorted because what we do.
Im probably going to start not making sense so I'll stop but it was just big and moving and ,made you think.
Well it made me think.
Even our last session we started off with questions and segued onto this whole talking about dating and that kind of stuff and.. it surprised me because I needed it.
Its a big thing Ive dealt with. And I made the decision to not date, to call off romances until I'm ready, but I question things, and doubt things, and the past few months I've felt so weird about it all due to a lot of circumstances.
And I dont know, I just kind of had my faith in my decisions reaffirmed and made stronger. Kind of had God tell me "You're doing the right thing".
It was refreshing.
My life has been a mess and I haven't done the right thing for a number of months in my eyes and a few others and it just feels nice to know my life is somewhat back on the right track. I am more at peace.
(Though I'm still having the strangest dreams).
And then there was this small thing of thinking about how big God is.
All day Saturday we were just sailing, floating, whatever, in the water all day and some point a couple of us went out and you couldn't even see land. And someone said "this is just how big the Pacific Ocean is"
Like, forget about all the other oceans or countries or world or universe, I was just in awe being totally surrounded by water.
Wow. Long blog. There's so much more, and I have time to get to it.
But for now, my brain is doing that thing of shutting down in weird stages. Which some people have told me is funny to watch.
I forgot about this. When I sleep on a regular scheadule and wake up at a normal-ish time, I get tired way more early.
Although I think I'll let myself blame the weird body feelings on the fact that I got used to the sea quickly and I spent a whole day being queasy once getting back on land.
I'm not so sure I can summarize the cruise. There were so many good times, so may memories to digest and remember for the rest of my life. So much to think about.
Well there was the main thing for me. We are a college group from a church so our leader invited a speaker. A professor from Vanguard University. He was really cool. He spoke four times to us, the main theme being Spiritual Leadership. and it was just..good. Filling.
Like sometimes I feel like I haven't had a huge connection with God for a while, and then remember that he maybe showed me something within the last week and then I fall into this weird mood, but I felt better after all these sessions. and it was different. adult-like. It wasn't anything similar to 17yr old me breaking down on a convention floor. It was being able to talk about wide and vast things and just really take it in as an adult.
Having think about it, I was more of an adult. i am more of an adult.
i'm growing up.
Man that concept scares me. I don't think I'll ever really grow up, just seem like it, you know?
Anyway, we ended up reading Genesis 1, 2, and 3. Like really reading it. And asking the questions Who are we and What are we here for?
Big huge questions. The kind people spend whole lifetimes trying to answer.
And the answers?
We are the image of God.
And we are here to rule the world.
In Jesus name.
And there's stuff to it. Like how us, humans, ruling over animlas meaning caring for them and giving out names means we have leadership over them. And how that image of God, how we, are distorted because what we do.
Im probably going to start not making sense so I'll stop but it was just big and moving and ,made you think.
Well it made me think.
Even our last session we started off with questions and segued onto this whole talking about dating and that kind of stuff and.. it surprised me because I needed it.
Its a big thing Ive dealt with. And I made the decision to not date, to call off romances until I'm ready, but I question things, and doubt things, and the past few months I've felt so weird about it all due to a lot of circumstances.
And I dont know, I just kind of had my faith in my decisions reaffirmed and made stronger. Kind of had God tell me "You're doing the right thing".
It was refreshing.
My life has been a mess and I haven't done the right thing for a number of months in my eyes and a few others and it just feels nice to know my life is somewhat back on the right track. I am more at peace.
(Though I'm still having the strangest dreams).
And then there was this small thing of thinking about how big God is.
All day Saturday we were just sailing, floating, whatever, in the water all day and some point a couple of us went out and you couldn't even see land. And someone said "this is just how big the Pacific Ocean is"
Like, forget about all the other oceans or countries or world or universe, I was just in awe being totally surrounded by water.
Wow. Long blog. There's so much more, and I have time to get to it.
But for now, my brain is doing that thing of shutting down in weird stages. Which some people have told me is funny to watch.
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