Comprehensible (Can any of you understand?)

I bet you didn't know I write songs.
Okay well maybe you did. I've only posted like two on my other blog because it takes me a while to put certain things in writing. I really should raid my room and just type up all the old songs I find (And maybe edit some a bit?...)

Anyways. New song.
http://writinggravityaway.blogspot.com/2009/03/comprehensible-can-any-of-you.html

I'll find you in the ashes that remain

'Cause I'm burnin'
Yeah, I'm burnin'
And I know I'm gonna blister in these flames
So I'll stay here
'Till this smoke clears
And I'll find you in the ashes that remain

Used to be that I could say
My faith was one arm's length away
From any flame that ever felt too warm

Asked for matches, but I recieved
A gallon full of gasoline
Now my cozy campfire days are gone
Burnin'-Nichole Nordeman

Oh dear. 5 days since my last post. We must fix this.

Not that my life is crazy-it just takes interesting turns.

Last night I went with my mom downtown. My dad does plane models for a hobby and has this monthly meeting.
So me and mom went and shopped at goodwill for 10 minutes before it closed.
I found the cutest belt and a bag to use for when I go to the beach this summer. the one I use daily-No. I don't want sand in that one. and then we found Padres stuff. So I technically have two new shirts. And a baseball cap. aha.
And then I was able to practice driving around a mostly empty parking lot for a good hour. Even practiced parking. Turns out-pretty good at it. But I dunno, it was empty.
It was funny-these two guys wanted to skateboard and like kept watching me everytime I drove in a circle around the lot and up and down the lanes.
And then we stopped by Jeck in th Box so i could ge those mini-churro thing's. omogosh love em. my sweet tooth has been aching and not eating chocalote is like torture to it. But its good for me.

And then today. See-my and a couple of my friends have not been on best terms. So they picked me up and we went to a friend's house. the couple that runs our college group. And the wife sat down with us and acted as a mediator and we took turns talking about things are bugging us and all that.
We came to an understanding and middle ground.
It was hard. I felt like my voice would break but we all got a lot from it. Lately I've felt like crying from being hurt but today I coul cry from relief. Like a weight has been lifted you know?

Other than that-I'm super-excited for tomorrow. I play cello in worship. It feels big to me because this will be the last time for who knows how long.
Next month I start teaching Children's Church (6-11 yr olds). I'm excited, but nervous. I know its gonna be fun.
And the months I'm off I'll be doubling up on doing media. Taking a break from worship team. I feel like a break and am not too excited about trying to work it out with a new mucis pastor that is coming in next month. *sigh*
Whatever.
Just have to trust God on it.
And then later I'm doing some yard work to work towards a cruise I'm going on with my college group in May. Woot!
And then a Big Daddy Weave concert.
Crazy weekend right?

Right now, I'm filling out this application for this store. ah I need a job. And to do stuff this week.
I need serious motivation.
I'm praying that I get done what i need to.
Anyways. Bed soon.

'Cause after loving you I can never be the same

Listening to: Innocence & Instinct - Red

so we are -what?- halfway through Lent right now. Almost there. Easter's just around the corner.
I don't know why I choose to do it this year, maybe it was just God pushing me and asking me to do something for him.
And seriously, Chocolate seems like this small thing. I don't think we realize how we have of it or whatever. And I usually only want it when i stress. Heh. Little did I know...
When you don't have much going on, you can over think too much about little things. And it's worse if somewhere down that road, you or someone else turns into something bigger.
Needless to say, I've been stressing big time and trying my hardest not to. Trying to calm down and not really let it show so much. *sigh*But doing Lent has been good. Because it's gotten me, for once, to lean on god more and pray first, not as a last resort. And my faith has grown in ways I never really expected. I've been able to stand by what I know is right. To say "No, this is not right and I will not compromise to the world's standards. I will not lower my standards for less than what God wants for me."
And as crap as I feel on the outside. As much as I want to rant and yell and just cry to no end, It's the also the best I've felt in a really long time.

Things are changing. Drastically. And if we don't stand for our beliefs--we'll pretty much be knocked down by everything else.
Feelings can only deceive and hurt us and lead us into dark places. But if we do the right thing, the thing that's usually hard to do, there is so much hope and promise at the end.
It doesn't makes sense to me why someone would not choose hope.
It just doesn't.

My Type is INFJ

Okay, I have written here lately...but I've been writing other things. Songs, poems, letters. And having somewhat of a writers block issue that only disappears when I'm lying in bed falling asleep.
arr.
Anyways.
Found a quiz thing that I kind of love.
Takes a while to take but whatever.
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Your Type is INFJ

You are:

* slightly expressed introvert
* slightly expressed intuitive personality
* moderately expressed feeling personality
* slightly expressed judging personality

(The rest of this..you google your letters and see what sites come up)

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals.
Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities.
Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on having things orderly and systematic in their outer world.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations.
They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them.
They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand.
INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex.
They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else.
This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions.
They believe that they're right.
They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective.

An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not.
Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Famous INFJs:
Nathan, prophet of Israel
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
Nelson Mandela
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly

Fictional INFJs:
Cinderella From Disney's Cinderella
Horatio From Hamlet
Kanga From Disney's Winnie The Pooh
Obiwan Kenobi From Star Wars
Peter Parker From Spiderman
Piglet From Disney's Winnie the Pooh
Princess Leia From Star Wars
Sara From CSI Las Vegas
Trinity From The Matrix
Yoda From Star Wars


The results of this quiz always make me feel really good about myself.
And we all need that sometimes.

I don't want to come down from this high.

I had an awesome weekend. although a but bittersweet now but..it's not over yet.

Was reading chapter 13 of I Kissed Dating Goodbye last night (again0 and I thought I'd shared this poem that i really liked.

A WOMAN'S QUESTION

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be as true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheeck one day;
Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.


Lena Lathrop

Spill My Heart Out.

With as much as I blog and write, I rarely write what I mean to.
I had a friend ask me a couple weeks ago why exactly I wasn't dating. And with just a few more minutes before he had to get off the bus and me say goodbye to him for a while, I said "I'll write a blog and send it to you, k?"
I have started that blog. And that's about it.
It's not like it's hard for me to come up with the reasons. It's just hard for me to say.
Ah, story of my life.
I can do things and write fantastically about things, esp my spiritual life, but..ask me to talk about it. To open my mouth and speak..I'm a ball of nerves.
I think esp the whole dating thing because a single 19 year old girl in this world who's still a virgin is kind of..taboo. Or just plain out rare.
Or maybe it's more because it's a spiritual thing. Since Dec 07 I have seriously grown spiritually and in my relationship with God and studied his word and it's crazy how I've come.
Even crazier how much further I have to go.
I don't take dating easily or simply like some of my friends do. For me, it's big and huge and I've given my heart out way many more times than I've wanted to or needed to.
I guess I'm not dating because God asked me not to.
And when he did, I didn't see it as giving up something. I simply obeyed.
But the truth is, you never know what's sacrificial.
God asks for all of us, not just what we want to give.

So in short...I'm still trying to write that blog.

'It's amazing... and I'm scared to death.'

"It's like being in love. 'It's amazing... and I'm scared to death.'

"If you truly love someone, you're going to be pure because true love comes from God, and God tells us to remain pure. That's good enough for me."

"I think of myself as more of a lover rather than a fighter, but sometimes you have to fight for what you love."
~Jon Foreman

Yes, I've had love on the brain lately, but tonight I'm just going to share a quiz.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	10
Acts of Service:	7
Physical Touch:	6
Words of Affirmation:	5
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

I'm going to end the day on a good note.

The past 48 hours or so have been really good. Because I stopped sitting here and continuing to be stressed out.
And let me just say-I love my college group. To be able to sit and talk in such deep meaningful conversation and then goof off and make ridiculous jokes while playing games? Yea.
And the whole time not having to really think about what is going on in my life. I love those people.

Anyways-Either going to bed soon or just shutting off the comp to watch a movie but--Quiz! It's quite interesting and I fooled around on this site with other quizzes for a good while last night.

True Self

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth

What came first? The music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns and watching violent videos, we're scared that some sort of culture of violence is taking them over...But nobody worries about kids listening to thousands -- literally thousands -- of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss.
Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?
~"Rob" in the movie High Fidelity played by John Cusack

There's no question that media and things in the world, people around us, influence us. But how much.
How much for those of us who constantly have music playing?
I know sometimes the answer is to change the music or turn it off. And I have before. There are days when I was I was in crappy moods and put on contemporary christian and some of it makes me feel extremely better for a bit but that doesn't there aren't still songs in that area that i can bury myself and my emotions into.
I've done it before. I have a stack full of cds of self-made mix's and playlists with one emotion or feeling to it. It's hard not to hide when you want to. it's hard to stand in the middle and be open when you want to keep so much closed in and not touch certain subjects.
Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

I'm going to end with a song. granted a popular song, but one that reflects a part of me currently.
And just because you're not "sober" from drinking or drugs or anything doesn't mean there arnt other things in the world that cant be considered an addiction that you can be sober from.

Sober-Pink

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh, the sun is blinding
I stayed up again Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm comin' down Comin' down
Comin' down Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

Comin' down Comin' down
Comin' down Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry Never again
Broken down in agony And just trying to find a friend

I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm safe Up high Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain Inside You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?

And I need Your love to carry me bye, bye, bye, bye, bye

All I need is Your love
To come and fill this heart of mine
My heart is a desert that has gone dry
And I need Your love to carry me bye, bye, bye, bye, bye
To carry me bye, bye, bye, bye, bye
To carry me bye
All I Need-Shawn McDonald

If the person you liked, kissed another girl what would you do?
Be either more or less confused. and freaked out.

What dressing do you put on your salad ?
Nothing. I eat it dry unless it's caesar and then use caesar dressing

When was the last time you teared up, but didn't cry?
everyday. lol
Uhm..last night.

Does it bother you when people respond with one word?
Depends. Do you think anyone is lying to you right now?
I really really hope not.

Now whats bothering you?
Myself.

When was the last time you felt your heart drop into your stomach?
a lot of times in this past week.

Whats subject do you have a hard time understanding?
English. the writing and reading I get but I get way too lost in the terms even if I understand them. Same with science. I can eventually understand how some of it works but I cant memorize terms for crap.

What’s on your list of things to do?
Clean. Think. Make decisions. Go places. get things done.
Whats one thing you want to learn by the end of the year?
How to play a Bach solo on my cello

Are you anyone' s first love?
I have no clue. If the person you last kissed, needs you at 3:00am would you be there?
My cat? yes.

Could you see yourself with someone forever?
I could. I just cant see their face that clearly.

Do you trust people?
To a point.

Do you have strange dreams?
Almost every night.
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I do. So you'd think I'd be smiling right?
What was the highlight of your week?
My birthday.
When is the next time you will kiss someone?
God only knows.

How long is your hair?
Mid-back. I need to trim it for dead ends but I'm still letting it grow.
Last movie you watched?
The Other Boleyn Girl
Are you obnoxious?
Lol. yes.
When was the last time something really bothered you?
Yesterday.

Why is your relationship status the way it is?
I need it to be this way for a while. I want it to be.

But I hate that no one seems to support me being this way.

Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Yes. If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
The time between winter and spring.
You have to get a piercing, what do you get?
nose. or my other cartilage.

You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
Either...
a) A cello on my left forearm with words making up the outline of the instrument
or
b) two huge wings on my back.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Mhm

Do you like the ocean?
more and more

What woke you up this morning?
Dreams.

Do you wear glasses?
not since freshman year.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
7:30 ish.
I was tired.

Are you picky about who you give your number to?
Not really. its usually someone who needs it.
Could you go a month without cursing?
Probably.

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
Propel grape water.

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
Essentially yes. But a lot of situations have changed.

Do you think you are a good person?
for the most part.

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
yup.
Have a dream last night?
I've forgotten it but yes.
What are you listening to?
Gone-TobyMac
Do you think Obama will be killed?
as in assassinated? no.

Do you speak more than 6 languages?
I wish.

How do you feel about your hair?
It grows too slow and gets dead-ends too quick

Did you get anything off your chest today?
Mhm

Would you date someone 8 years older?
there's like a .001% of that happening. But you never know.

Will next weekend be a good one?
Mmmm...we will see.
Its the weekend after I'm thinking more about.
Anything interesting happen this week?
Most interesting week of my life.
Has someone ever licked your cheek or forehead?
LOL. yes.

Last person to upset you?
someone close to me

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked?
Ahhh. I dont know. Maybe. Maybe not.

Did you sing at all today?
Am right now
What side of a heart do you draw first?
Left.

Weed, alcohol, pills or cigarettes?
Ew.None.

Last awkward moment?
This whole past week.
Who do you find yourself crushing on currently?
this boy.

Have you ever fallen backwards down a set of stairs?
Mhm

Name someone close to you who smokes cigarettes?
Grandma Heintz.

Name 3 things that everyone knows about you:
crazy hair, Switchfoot Fam, cello

When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
More than often I let them go. And then sometimes run out to get them back.
Do you still live at home?
Heck yes.

Last time you smiled?
Yesterday morning.

Would you go a month without washing your hair to save a loved one?
Only to save someone.

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant?
Yes. And freak out.
Have you had the best night of your life?
I'd like to think that night is still on its way.

Do you think your current pets will be alive ten years from now?
I really really really hope so. My first cat lived that long.
When was your last bubble bath?
Within the last few months

Where is your pet right now?
By my feet sleeping.

Name five things you did last night?
hung with Karen and Julie and their boys, took pictures, played speed, had convo, read about Pluto

How many kids do you have?
One. He's furry though.
Have you ever been in love?
Many times. Just not always with a person...
Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
Worse.
What color is your hair?
Dark brown

Have you ever been teased really bad?
Constantly.
Do you have your tonsils and wisdom teeth?
tonsils yes, wisdom teeth no.

If you read all that, I'll make you a cookie.
And find a way to get it to you too.