I love the rain. And the reminder of rainbows.

Currently:listening to my mom talk, hoping for the wireless to magically pop up.

I love the rain. Now, some of you may wonder where this is coming from-Im in SoCal and it hasnt rained since...springtime.
And around this time we usually get fires and strong winds. But today, there was drizzle..of rain.

Today started out crappy for me. It got better bit by bit with getting to go home to nap and finding I aced mt stats test.
I had to go church for a meeting and spent the whole ride over writing in my journal. I've been doing this almost daily for a few days now and my head is still scrambled with thoughts. Anyways.

I get off and walk the little short couple of blocks from the station to the church and I feel warm wetness fall on me. The clouds are dark. all I could was smile and thank God.

I'm kind of weird from my friends for this. I would love rain all the time where I have friends who get tired of it quickly.
I've heard the metaphor that rain is God crying and its nice imagery, it is. But me? I see it a different way. Maybe its the deep attachment to when I used to talkto my Grandpa on the phone when it rained, I dont know.
I love it.
I love to dance, sing, and just be in it. When it rains, for me, its like God is just there, drenching me in himself. In his promises and dreams and hopes for me. For some, its a sad memory, and sometimes it is, but its one of the greatest things God made too.

I have been...beyond moody lately, and when my mood is swinging low, I wish for rain. I want it. Yearn for it. Sometimes I think I just associate rain with God and when I want rain, I want more of him.
To feel the slightest of rain today made me elated. And before I could look up at say thank you for the rain...I saw a rainbow.
I saw once I was at the church that it was a double-rainbow. But...a rainbow!
I cant remember the last time I saw one. And I will admit, I teared up at the rainbow.

Life hasnt been great lately in personal areas and to see a rainbow, to see something that God gave as a promise years ago, it felt personal. Like God has this divine appointment for me to be out of the house tonight, to see that it'll be okay.

But the thing about the rain tonight-It did not feel like September rain. It was like summer rain. Heavy and humid and you feel every little bit of it. Like God was just hanging in every atom where the rain was.
I was able to visit my old youth group for a bit tonight and hear the sermon and when I left-all I could think was how the sermon had been the like the rain earlier. The atmosphere was heavy and full-God in every moment and every word and heavy on every heart.

I love the rain. And God's presence in it.
And im glad, that with rain, there is the reminder of rainbows.=)

"Can your heart bend this much without breaking, "

Monday comes, when or where do you run to find a second start?
Where do you go when you're broken, alone, and Friday falls apart?
Yeah, yeah
All these questions are leaving her shaking
Can you be two girls in one?
Can your heart bend this much without breaking,
And you know that you know, and you can never have it both ways
Monday Comes Around-Switchfoot

Currently: listening to nothing. weird

I havent been meaning to not write. And its not even like Im super duper busy like I was a couple weeks ago.

so let me explain. I dont like to lie. And I can lie to myself much easier than anybody else.
I like be ing honest and being a truthful person and telling people the truth.
So Ive made my own personal policy of just admitting truths to myself before really saying or admitting them to anybody else.

With some things, it takes a while.
and I guess you could say Im going through some personal stuff that is just taking a while to get through and admit to myself. Im not quite ready to share it with the world quite yet.

Some of you may know what it is due to me hinting about it. So, I guess I just ask for prayer. I've been praying and thinking about things a lot and am not taking somewhat of a mental break.

I wish I could say more, but I cant.
Am off now to do housework thats been avoided. heheh.

But I am ALWAYS yours

this is the start
this is your heart
this is the day you were born
this is the sun
these are your lungs
this is the day you were born

and I am always yours 


these are the scars
deep in your heart
this is the place you were born
this is the hole
where most of your soul
comes ripping out
from the places you've been torn 


and it is always yours
but I am always yours

hallelujah!
I'm caving in
hallelujah!
I'm in love again
hallelujah!
I'm a wretched man
hallelujah!
every breath is a second chance

and it is always yours
and I am always yours 


video source
lyric source

I love babysitting. And community college.

Most of the time.

I'm gonna be Rory Gilmore and pro/con list it.

Win of CC
-Seeing old classmates-Not just from high school-but Elementary! Just goes to show how much Ive changed in the last ten or so years.
-Unlimited computer time-I Heart the computer lab. I'm at the school all day with nothing to do between classes except homework and I just get to sit there and work on homework and such. ANNNDDDD they have Macs. Ive only used it once considering they're usually being used, but omgosh, I know what kind of laptop I want (Not that it was ever a question-but still)
-Free food-Okay this only actually happens on Thursdays but Im at school Tues and Thurs and okay, so, maybe it was only a hotdog, but Im a college student with no job and little money and THANK YOU!
-Pretty campus-I know, I should be like studying and such, but last Thursday I went outside to read my book before class cause I was tired of being inside. Oceanside, CA-gorgeous. (That is, until the SoCal fires hit)
-Awesome teachers-Okay, so I only see tow of them, but my Stats teacher is just...awesome. He makes it interesting and we get some funny story at least once a day. I never notice the time until class is almost over.
-Stress -causing me to clean my room. I mean like, my laundry is all done and room is vacuumed, clothes hanging, stuff in right places. love it.
-Okay I cant think of anymore, really. Heheh

Losses
-Being there all day. -Yes I get it, away from home, time to do homework, but seriously? My brain is fried at the end of the day just from having my head in study mode all day.
-No nap place -I am tired at school. Its nice, but I want like an hour nap. But they'll catch me in the library and there is no other inconspicuous place to just...lay down. Ugh. Whatever.
-Creeper dudes. -I met this guy once over the summer. and I was polite and nice as he sat on the bus with me and talked about movies. But now...we've only met three times and everytime he's like "you wanna hang out? See a movie (Free-he works at a theater)? grab some starbucks? hang out? btw-you're really pretty and nice and..." He's like trying to be my best friend. And Im just creeped out. Im not sure whether to keep telling him Im busy or go with my assumptions and say Im not dating.
-Stress -I freak out, have weird dreams and my sleep scheadule is all over the place. Sometimes I think I need to see Dr.House. Even if he is in a psych ward.
-Homework - seriously? There's just way too much.
-I think there's more to this list, but Im not remembering

Winness of babysitting
-Mini-vaca. -the people I babysit for like closer to the actual city of San Diego so whenever I go down I take the train (like 30 or so minute ride) and end up staying the night for at least one night. Okay, so going down and watching kids is a little stressful and Ive got a full load of school work, but Im not at home! Im visiting friends and I dont have family bugging me!!!!!
-Cuteness -and 5 year old and a 2 1/2 year. Need I say more? I love them
-Hanging with friends. -I get along really well with the parents. The mom-we are practically sisters-we look alike, act alike sometimes and its just fun. I laugh my butt off with her. And the dad is an ex-worship pastor of mine. We talk about the strangest things.
-Sleep -I dont know why, but I sleep really good on their couch. Maybe its all that watching those kids??
-Mom training -Im learning A LOT. Heck, the little girl has even (accidentally) called me mom.
-Again, more that i couldnt find how to put into words.

Losses of babysitting
-Exhaustion -Like pure and outright. Im dead tired after watching those kids
-Bedtime -These kids, they rock. They are cute. They listen to me most of the time...until bedtime. This usually isnt horrible is they missed their nap and are tired, but when they arnt, ugh. Last time, I spent a good hour after their "bedtime" trying to get them to settle down and separating them and such.
-Okay this list is short, but I really enjoy babysitting my friend's kids. The bedtime is just a really huge annoyance.

So, in conclusion, Im superbusy and stressed but I love it.
Tomorrow starts the third week of school and on Friday I go back down for a second weekend in a row of babysitting and hanging out. Today and wed are my only days off.
Again-sure to think of more in the next week, but for now Im ready to hit the sack. Well, once mom comes back from Walgreens. Ive been having really bad shortness of breath all day. Annoyed.

She's home! Robutussin and vapor patches! Oh yay!

My cat is a ferocious hunter, killer...thing.

Currently: should be in bed. winding down so I can sleep.

My cat is grossing me out.

Why?

Backstory: When my cat was around one years old, he used to go outside and bring in like half-dead/alive beatles and moths and then bat them around and play with them and then once they died...eat them.
It was cute. he was little and they were beatels and he's an animal.
One night he brought in this baby mouse and my mom freaked. The mouse ended up escaping.

We so no more live things for a while.

My cat still lvoes to play with things that move. he thing lately has been rubberbands. Wiggle one in front of him for long enough and he plays with it on his own.

So...Monday night. Im up way too late (so this more Tues morning) and I get up to check something for school real quick.
*Note* The next part if a little graphic and gross.
My cat was sitting in the living room with this very large mouse in his mouth (It might have been a rat, I wasnt really up to looking too close).
After figuring out it was dead and giving up on checking anything, my cat...started to eat it. I was grossed out. I went to take a shower. When I got out and was dressed in pj's and all that, it was gone. Except for certain mouse parts that my cat didnt eat. So I got to clean it up. One, because it grossed me out and two, I didnt want my mom freaking out in the morning.

I took pictures of this before and after because I thought my dad wouldnt believe me (He likes to make fun of my cat, call him Cowardly Lion and such).
Well, tonight, Im sitting here, doing my homework and my mom sees it first. He's brought in....a small dead bird.
We scooped it onto some paper and put it on the kitchen floor before my cat decided to be the wild animal he is and eat it.

Oye. Grossness.

Im too grossed out to post the pictures I took. I cant really look at them for too long, y'know?

Heh. Anyways. Thats all.

P.S. The "leftover" feathers from the bird are reminding of those cartoons when the cat would burp or have his mouth stuffed and feathers would come flying out.
LOL. So wrong, but Im giggling.

Tweeter.

Currently: thinking about way too many things at once.

I hit 1000 tweets tonight.

That is, 1000 updates on my twitter. Now when I first got it. I didnt really understand it. I even left it blank for like a month or two.
I didnt get why it was called a mini-blog other than saying what you were doing which is like a facebook/myspace status update.

Maybe's its because I actually blog and write. I have journals ranging from 2 pages written to completely full. Ive had many other blogs than this one. But I like it. writing down in paragraphs and letters and pages full and such.

Well, now I get twitter. Because being back at school, I havent had the energy to sit and write. All my free time goes toward either doing homework or reading my books and trying to rest and relax.

But twitter. Oh my. I updated that a lot when I wasnt blogging. Because it is a mini-blog. A itty bitty one, but I like it.
I do.

Okay, yea. thats all I have to blog about. I do have ideas for a couple other blogs and I wanna say Ill post them soon, but we shall see, right? Right.

Oh. And a question for all you "readers"
Should I chop my hair short? Or just trim it?