Sunday, May 31, 2009

Glad to be home. Being surrounded by an entire ocean is a bit intimidating.

Okay, now that my stomach is settled and brain seems to get im on land again, Ill write.

But i cant recap now.
i am tired beyond belief. But its one of those good tireds. Where what you did instead of sleep, what you did to be tired is so worth it.
Yea.

The cruise was amazing.
MY college group is amazing.
FRIENDS are amazing.
God is amazing.

eeep. So yes. Teaser.
Staying up all night playing monopoly and passing random drunk persons singing random songs and playing go fish in an empty hot tub and doing sit-ups and crunches and laps on a golf course while watching the sun rise.
Love. It.

Okay. I need to nap.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My hair is in braids. I like the simplicity.

Currently: Feeling accomplished.

I stopped being all procrastination pro and turned in my paperwork. The counselor wasn't there but the guy at the front desk helped me. I'm an official May 09 grad. I'll get my stuff sometimes in June since I have to miss the ceremony on Friday.
Then me and mo headed to the main college campus. was going to tae math placement and realized I need an ID, then headed over over section to get said ID, but had to go to car to get my CA ID. Bah. Got ID, went back to testing center 10 minutes too late. but was told in good assurance what math test I should take and can com back tomorrow morning. Went to admisions,signed u for English 100, Philosophy 100, and Business Tech 100 (Typing online class.). Went over to student services and paid for it. Then me and mom got chick-fil-a and went home to see if my cat came ack.
He's been inside for a couple days now and escaped out my brother's window this morning.

ah. I feel good.
I'll probably head over tomorrow and get my books and take that test and then at noon, my entire college group is meeting up and we're driving down to San Diego to leave on....a cruise!!!
Eep Im excited. the cruise is stopping in catalina. (Was Ensanada, but Pig Flu scare derouted that).
The only thing Im worried about is that I keep dreaming that I forget my bathing suit. So weird.

Alright, well I need to pack and get whatever else. I need to make a list of what I need. Those always help.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

"All the roads lead back to you"

"And I don't care if anyone knows what we are going through,
Cause all the roads lead back to you
On and on and on we pray
We can break into a brighter day

If there's one thing that I know to be true
Its that Im in love with you, Its that Im in love with you"
On and On-Mat Kearney


Currently: Listening to Mat Kearney's "City of Black and White" on here while watching for my Princess Tutu vids to load.
(I'm in love with the song On And On. I must buy this album)
(Tutu is an anime my friend has gotten me slightly addicted to. I'm in love with it, really)

So. Maybe getting a eBay account wasn't the smartest idea. You basically need Paypal to pay for the stuff and I just got an email saying I was denied for Paypal due to no credit. Eh, I'll just use my moms account.
Yes, I need to get a credit card, buy like one thing, pay it off and never use the card again.

Maybe when I get the stable paying job, ya know?

Thats really not all I have to talk about.

On Wed I got my face clawed. Heh. My cat's tail had been sore like..ever. and I guessed I picked him up wrong and he went berserk and clawed my left cheek. I let him go to see blood on shirt..his blood. Now he has this spot on his tail thats been bloody and pussy and draining for a couple days. It's gross.
My face isnt that great either. Im fine, it just hurts. I can deal.

Oh, but yesterday (Okay its after midnight-Thursday) I went to Disneyland. After many calls and IMs it was my mom, my friend Mary, and me. We got there-parked. My mom ended up going of and buying a shirt my aunt wanted to get when she was here last month and Mary and me went on Pirates, Haunted Mansion, Splash Mountain, and then Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. As much fun as Splash is, I had more fun on Thunder. But maybe that had something to do with with singing Doe-A-Deer at the top of our lungs the second half of the ride.
Heh.
We are music geeks. Love it. Embrace it. We do.

Left the park and met up with mom and my friend Tom who lives up there (and I've seen like every month since Feb this year, quite fun) and went across the street to IHOP for lunch. Played BS with the deck of cards I had in my purse while we waited for our food. And then ate, talked. I think I ate like half of mine and then watched as the rest of them proceeded to finish it for me. Aha. I really dont ever get that hungry.
We were going to try and have my mom give Tom the ticket she had so he could get in but i guess the ticket is read as a re-entry or whatever and he didnt have his hand stamped so no go. Oh well. he's told me i'm coming back in august for his birthday. So . Heh. Whatever.
Mom came back in.
Went on Star Tours, Astro Blaster, and then into the Innoventions building where there's like ...too much to do. Heh. Really. We were going to do Space Mountain but it was closed temp. and then the line for Nemo Submarine was 30 mins so we decided against it. Then went to Teacups (Matterhorn line was horrendisly long), and then Jungle Cruise and decided to call it a day.
We got off the freeway in Santa Ana area I think ( I could be very wrong on that) and stopped and ate inside a Taco Bell that played Oldies Songs that all three of us sang along with.
Dropped Mary at home, me and mom went home and while she stayed up for a bit doing laundry, I vegged for a bit and went to my room and crashed.
So glad I did dishes before we left.

It was fun. Many memories to be remembered. Oh. and we all forgot our digital cameras so now I have two polaroids with 13 pictures left on each before I develop them.
Im thinking either beach day or just taking pictures at church. Or something.

These are the days I actually have a life.
well, cruise next weekend. Im excited. I need to finish my school stuff(paperwork) done though.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

My Own Truths.

I need to write. I need to sit in my room and stare at my journal and write for myself.

That's the thing bout my writing. Its always, first and foremost, for me. To get my thoughts out.
I beyond love having a blog where I can write about idea's bigger then me and have people's input on it.
When I first started getting journals in middle school, for a long time it was like letter writing to God. Every day, writing about my day, my ups and downs.

But the other thing about it? Its infrequent. My most recent journal is barely half-way filled. I started it Jan of last year and for most of last summer
I wrote almost every day, but then Id be busy, or forget. Something. And before you knew it, I had to recap the last month or two.

I forget. I neglect my needs. My friends needs. I neglect to care for the little things in relationships in my life that make up a better part of those relationships.
These are just some of the truths I always seem to realize too late, seem to realize in the middle of prayer.

As much as I've felt like writing lately, I haven't. Ive prayed constantly. And talked to God.
And he's been showing m stuff about myself that honestly scares me. He doesn't just do it my private prayer. I blank out in convo with him during worship on Sunday mornings, during group prayer at college group.
It scare me to know what else will be reviled if I start writing again.

I'm worried Ill vent first. be angry at God or things. Like why my ankle seems to hate me, why my family cant afford to get my cat fixed or that my cat just cant be more mellow like his brother. Why I cant seem to get school stuff done, why I haven't gotten a call back on a job yet.

Everytime I start to rant, all i think of is-you wanted this. Wanted the boy to like you, wanted to have a cat, wanted to be grown-up and 18 and older and all that.

Like a wish answered when you don't want it, a prayer answered a few years, months too late. And then I just have to remember everything is in Gods timing.
And my timing always seems to began against his.
My wants always seem to be against the needs he puts in front of my eyes.


Honesty. I need to write for my own honesty and find my own truth, Gods truth.
For as open and honest as
I try to be with everyone around me, Im not completely honest with myself.

5 truths.
1. I know what I want to do as a career, but fear the unknown and instability of it. I spend more energy trying to think of back-up plans.
2. I know how many boys Ive really liked, really loved, and just lusted after.
3. I figured out as much as I fall in love with music and life, the number of people in the category is so extremely small.
4. I have become a pack rat with my emotional baggage. Its scary seeing how much I have let go and how much needs to be let go of.
5. I hate crying. I let myself my eyes well up but I hate full-on crying. In public or even in private.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"Hello Hurricane. You cant silence my love"

I'm so indecisive.
I got a Livejournal and have only posted twice. (http://celloist-23.livejournal.com/)

Other than that. Not much. Mothers day was adorably cute at church.
And just let me say-I know I've always looked a bit older than I am, but do I really look like a mom??
Lol. Kids make me smile.

Oye. So..Switchfoot. Played another new song at a concert. Okay, they pumped it thru the speakers after the concert but someone got a little recording of it on their iPhone.

This song is love.
I cannot wait for the new album. Just a couple more months...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9RiG-qjnO0
Lyrics:
Verse 1:
I've been watching blue skies
They've been turnin' blood red.
Not a doubt in my mind anymore.
There's a storm up ahead.

Chorus:
Hello Hurricane.
You're not enough,
Hello Hurricane.
You can't silence my love.
I've got doors and windows boarded up,
All your dead fury is not enough,
you can't silence my love.

Verse 2:
Everything I have becomes lost
Everything I have is stripped away
Before I thought it ______
I've counted up these costs
There's nothing left for you to take away

Chorus:
Hello Hurricane.
You're not enough,
Hello Hurricane.
You can't silence my love.
I've got doors and windows boarded up,
All your dead fury is not enough,
you can't silence my love.
(cut)

source:landofbrokenhearts.org


Okay, thats really all there was. Maybe I'll write more and be m ore detailed about my weekend. Maybe not. Maybe you could just look at my beyond random posting on LJ. Hehe.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

things can change is an instant. Dont you forget that.

(I'm really glad I didn't post a rant blog about an hour ago)

And just like that everything turns around and hope is found.

It's ridiculous how jumpy my moods are these days.

It's even more ridiculous how I'm consistently making plans and being busy on weekends.

But its my life, I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything except God.

and I have him. =)

That's all I wanted to say.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Me...a fangirl? Never.

currently : listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuAkplsJZeg

Did you know...Evanescence's album The Open Door is a really good soundtrack to the like, last 1/3 of New Moon?
Haha. Really and truly.

I'm rereading the series. and honestly, I don't like the movie that much anymore. It's good but...I don't know. Maybe I'm book nerd. Maybe I like imagining my own Edward in my head.

...I sound like a fangirl. Eeep.

I do have something else to blog about about. That, oh coincidentally New Moon inspired me about.
But my thoughts arnt complete on it. *Sigh* 'm tired. the last couple of weeks have been long, but good. I don't think I'm ever going to be fully rested. My life is changing. More and more stuff to do every time I turn around.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Fearless

I will be the first one to admit that I am my own worst critic.
I don't think i play cello as well as you say and my hair never looks that nice in my own mind.

But it helps me get to my own truths and admit things like my fears. Now I have the "normal" fears like not wanting to be hurt or lose the ones I love.
And then of course, there's my own-like the fact that even just a fake plush snake freaks me out a little and ever since I was 6 or so Pinocchio has given me nightmares.

Thing is-fear freaks me out. It is the one big thing in my own life that stops me from doing things.
When God had me start to do Children's Church-I wanted to see what he was going to do with it that first week.
I love it, but I knew God had a greater purpose for me starting to teach. And I realized one thing-Kids are fearless.
They say and do things because they want too, and sometimes know they should. They are smart, even if they don't see all the consequences.
Thats what I hate about growing up-once you get to Middle or High school, you start to have life lessons and get hurt and let your fears guard you.

These past couple of months I have wrestled with myself over issues, and fear become this factor in every one of them. Fear of what people would say, fear of getting hurt, being vulnerable, basic and pure fear of my own self.
And for four Sundays in April, I taught kids, I heard them ask to prayer for sick aunts and moms, prayer for that dead relative, listened to stories of their daily adventures.
All I could think was -I want to be a kid again.

I got to go to Anaheim and spend time with cousins. And after a day and a half with my 10 year old cousin and my 12 year old cousin, my fears got somewhat let go of.
I was able to go home the next day and send the message to my friend I'd been putting off for a month and a half because I got nerves everytime I thought about it.
I was able to more easily talk to friends Id been having issues.
I had more confidence in myself to finish job applications and get other just random stuff done that made me feel good.

I was fearless. I was a kid again.
I loved it.

I mean, maybe its not just about fear. Fear is a huge big thing that Satan does use against people.
Maybe its faith. Maybe it just all ties back to the fact that kids have stronger and better faith than anyone else-they always will. And isn't that where our fear comes from?
Whe our Faith in god wanes? And yes, I've had doubts about my faith too many times in the recent years. Its why I'm not dating, why I refuse to think about certain things, why I think more about other things.

I love kids. I love that what they are can be passed on. so yes -maybe there are times Im less mature than usual and just want to run around-but I am fearless in my faith. And I will never ever want to let that go.

Free Music, you say?

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm the biggest Switchfoot fan on the face on the planet.
And while my love for them has cooled (okay-maybe not lately-there's been A LOT of news), I'm an even bigger fan of music.
And I've found a lot of free stuff lately. So I shall share.

The first was shown to me by a boardie friend Sarah (http://blogofthesarah.blogspot.com/2009/04/free-music.html)
free album from the band We shot The Moon. I haven't really listened to them before but some boardie friends and really--who am I pass up on free music?
http://weshotthemoon.com/free/
And yes, it's good. I think its only good till like today -so go now.


Next one. By a band called Berch. i don't know anything about them other than they are a fan of Switchfoot and they started to follow me on twitter so...I followed back. Lol
http://www.purevolume.com/Berch


Now Hearitfirst.com has a free download every week and this week they had two.
Normally, I dont get the free download because i dont really caqre or my ner sucks or already have it, but thie week they had the song "Back and Forth" which has been playing a lot of Air1 and I kind of love it.
http://e2ma.net/go/1950489453/1785346/66229475/goto:http://www.hearitfirst.com/1clickdownloads/download.aspx?iid=1029608

Next is a mix of things. Usually amazon bugs me but... when they give you 6 songs for free, okay, I will give and get it.
1. In Christ-Big Daddy weave (More country, more my moms style)
2.No One Else Knows-Building 429 (Okay-only heard like a total of three or four of their songs but i like em)
3.Enough-Barlowgirl (woo)
4.You Lift Me Up-Rachel Lampa
5.Breathe Your Name-Sixpence None The Richer (love this band, love love this song)
6.Adore-Jaci Velasquez.
You do have to download Amazon downloader thing first but whatever.

Gavin Mikhail.
Oh my when my boardie friend (Mellie) (http://melinthemilkyway.blogspot.com/2009/04/free-music-gavin-mikhail.html) posted this on her blog, I called her cupid. 4 albums for free? I will give this guy a try. You should too. He's pretty cool and nice, and will respond to you on twitter. lol
http://www.myspace.com/gavin_songs


Lastly-Switchfoot. Ah
Now if you havent heard-theyve released new about their new upcoming album.
1. thats its actually 4 albums theyve been working on, to relaeased at differetn times, starting this August
2. That the first will be "Hello Hurricane" and another "vice Verses"
Now-If you follow them on Twitter and/or go to landofbrokenhearts.org frequently, you've seen this.
the truh is-there's a whole media section of songs the guys have played that you can download-of course what I have to talk about is the latest songs
Vice Verses-crazy good song. two versions up-get both. 1st one is slow and nice but the second one with Keith-well what can I say? I'm biased. Keith is the cellist and I'm in love.

Yet-I love this song. beyond words. Even though it makes me cry every time I listen. Aha.

I think you can manuvear yourself around there so I wont put up anything else.

I think that it's. I find free stuff randomly, but this week has been a really good week. heh.
Okay, I'm off to blog more.