Fearless

I will be the first one to admit that I am my own worst critic.
I don't think i play cello as well as you say and my hair never looks that nice in my own mind.

But it helps me get to my own truths and admit things like my fears. Now I have the "normal" fears like not wanting to be hurt or lose the ones I love.
And then of course, there's my own-like the fact that even just a fake plush snake freaks me out a little and ever since I was 6 or so Pinocchio has given me nightmares.

Thing is-fear freaks me out. It is the one big thing in my own life that stops me from doing things.
When God had me start to do Children's Church-I wanted to see what he was going to do with it that first week.
I love it, but I knew God had a greater purpose for me starting to teach. And I realized one thing-Kids are fearless.
They say and do things because they want too, and sometimes know they should. They are smart, even if they don't see all the consequences.
Thats what I hate about growing up-once you get to Middle or High school, you start to have life lessons and get hurt and let your fears guard you.

These past couple of months I have wrestled with myself over issues, and fear become this factor in every one of them. Fear of what people would say, fear of getting hurt, being vulnerable, basic and pure fear of my own self.
And for four Sundays in April, I taught kids, I heard them ask to prayer for sick aunts and moms, prayer for that dead relative, listened to stories of their daily adventures.
All I could think was -I want to be a kid again.

I got to go to Anaheim and spend time with cousins. And after a day and a half with my 10 year old cousin and my 12 year old cousin, my fears got somewhat let go of.
I was able to go home the next day and send the message to my friend I'd been putting off for a month and a half because I got nerves everytime I thought about it.
I was able to more easily talk to friends Id been having issues.
I had more confidence in myself to finish job applications and get other just random stuff done that made me feel good.

I was fearless. I was a kid again.
I loved it.

I mean, maybe its not just about fear. Fear is a huge big thing that Satan does use against people.
Maybe its faith. Maybe it just all ties back to the fact that kids have stronger and better faith than anyone else-they always will. And isn't that where our fear comes from?
Whe our Faith in god wanes? And yes, I've had doubts about my faith too many times in the recent years. Its why I'm not dating, why I refuse to think about certain things, why I think more about other things.

I love kids. I love that what they are can be passed on. so yes -maybe there are times Im less mature than usual and just want to run around-but I am fearless in my faith. And I will never ever want to let that go.