Spill My Heart Out.

With as much as I blog and write, I rarely write what I mean to.
I had a friend ask me a couple weeks ago why exactly I wasn't dating. And with just a few more minutes before he had to get off the bus and me say goodbye to him for a while, I said "I'll write a blog and send it to you, k?"
I have started that blog. And that's about it.
It's not like it's hard for me to come up with the reasons. It's just hard for me to say.
Ah, story of my life.
I can do things and write fantastically about things, esp my spiritual life, but..ask me to talk about it. To open my mouth and speak..I'm a ball of nerves.
I think esp the whole dating thing because a single 19 year old girl in this world who's still a virgin is kind of..taboo. Or just plain out rare.
Or maybe it's more because it's a spiritual thing. Since Dec 07 I have seriously grown spiritually and in my relationship with God and studied his word and it's crazy how I've come.
Even crazier how much further I have to go.
I don't take dating easily or simply like some of my friends do. For me, it's big and huge and I've given my heart out way many more times than I've wanted to or needed to.
I guess I'm not dating because God asked me not to.
And when he did, I didn't see it as giving up something. I simply obeyed.
But the truth is, you never know what's sacrificial.
God asks for all of us, not just what we want to give.

So in short...I'm still trying to write that blog.