I need these 10 minutes, I need this honesty.

Currently: listening to this song.

My last post-the one wrote yesterday and just now posted. It scares me.

I wanted to write what Im now added to it, but I knew it I couldnt.

Because now Im talking about fear and honesty.

Ive been very scared with my life lately. And its because I know that God has not only placed me in a time of my life I dont understand, but situations are completely new and foreign to me too.

But at the same time, its forced me to be be more honest.
Mostly more honest in general, but more importantly, more honest to myself.

Here's the thing. I need this. I need God.

I dont care if you read my blog or not, agree with my life and opinions or not, cause this is me.

And me? As scary as it is to admit I have issues just to spend 10 minutes with God, Im being honest about my situation.

I need those 10 minutes to be away.

I need to be honest about how it went too.

I am me when I write and sing and worship. But if you ask me how I am in person, I bend my truth. I routinely say "fine, okay".

I am scared of getting my heart hurt horribly hurt again, even when Im happiest Ive ever been in my life.

But I want to be truthful. I am sick and tired of the drama and games of hiding old fears, of not working them out.

Sometimes that includes my worries that Im still depressed or that I'll never work out a "normal life" that a lot of people want for me.

But it also includes how great life is, how much God has blessed it.

I am scared, but I am honest in this new time of my life.
Im not sure which part of it is bigger.

I love the old parts, I love the comfort, But I have so much wanderlust.
I have feelings of temporanyiness and like I'll be somewhere else soon.

And Im so so so ready for it.