My heart.

My cat went missing.
Hasn't been home since last Monday.

And until the other night I was fine. Then a thunderstorm blew through and my heart broke.
Some of you may not care, as it is just..a cat
But he was my cat. My baby. This furry black and white thing Ive had since he was born, who acted almost exactly like me.

My heart is breaking. I do not want to accept the truth that he might be gone forever.


But in a truly unexpected way, it is also healing.

This has been one of weeks where my heart is truly shone, where I cry at everything, where I am in just wonder and awe at God's power and how he works through everything.


My cat had a girlfriend.
This black and white cat who roamed the apartment complex.
She got pregnant. Considering she hung out with might cat, we figured it was his doing.

She's been coming to visit us more and more.

Today, she didn't leave our house.
Around 6 pm she went into labor.

And now, at 3:30 am, she is curled up on my bed with 7 newborn kittens.

I saw these kittens being born.

The miracle of birth is astonishing. Whether its a human, chicken, or cat. Its simply amazing.


My heart is healing.


My heart is breaking and healing because of the truth. Because of love, because of God.

And I realize, I know, that sometimes we have to be broken more to heal properly, to work better.


But as astonishing as this truth is, it still hurts.

I know I'll be fine. But now I am in a wandering state of mind.
Broken and healed.
Love.
And with God.

always.

Always with God.

And this post my friends..this is me being fully honest about things. No editing.
No going back and retyping my sentences.

I think it took my heart being more exposed for my truth to shine a little bit brighter.

Love should be. (Easter is)

It took me years to realize it, but Easter is my favorite holiday.
Not because of chocolate and big dinners or anything.

Because..its about God.
It is spring to me. Its new beginnings. Its right off of Lent where you are giving up something for the bettering of yourself.

Its resurrection. Of course Im one of those people who always confuse in Christmas with Easter.
Because it makes sense. Jesus was born to die for us. The two holidays are linked in that one huge big way.

But I like Easter because Easter is love to me.



And lately its been on my mind what love is and what love isnt.

Because love to me is sacrificial.
It is giving all the time, not necessarily always receiving.
It is giving because of want, not need.

It is forgiving flaws in light of the good, in light of what could be.
Love is unconditional. Always there, always love.

Im studying for a health midterm and in taking about how to be in a good friendship it says "Be altruistic; that is, be generous without expecting anything in return"


Im blown away. Because what doctors and scientists and experts say about love and relationships-all of it-you see Jesus act out in the bible.
We should following Jesus and his examples.

We should be acting out this kind of love.

There is no better day of any year than Easter to realize how much he loved us, why he did, how he did.

He died so that we would have a better life.

Love should be this.

Love should not be depicted by movies and tv: jealous, revengeful, lustful, evil, flip-flopping, infatuated, breakable.
It disgusts me how easily love and relationships are taken for granted.
This things should be for life.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8,13