'If you love her let her go...'

(Listen to these songs while reading)





I am sad.
I am sad for myself and for those I know.
Mostly, I am sad for those who can't let go.
It's one of the hardest things in the world in my opinion. To have horrible feelings mixed with good, not wanting them, but not wanting to hand them over to anyone. ever.
The best example would be after breaking up a relationship with anyone. Mostly romantic relationships, but I've seen it between family and friends too. You know someone for a while. Some good time period where you become close and bonds are formed. But also, you learn the dark sides. The bad-the things you don't like about them. Or maybe you don't.
The next part happens in more romantic relationships than anything else-it breaks. Life happens. Either you grow up, a event in one of your life's show something that the relationship cannot work with or around. Someone maybe died. Maybe someone moved.
Whatever happened-the relationship is trained and eventually broken.
What now? You have all these wonderful brilliant memories of a this person tainted by hurt.
You hate how you're feeling and wish it were all different-somehow back to how it had been.
But it can't change back. And you know you have to let go of it. But that would also mean letting go of the love you each shared and the friendship you both had possessed.
It gets to be almost this limbo thing. You are not wanting to let go but knowing its the right thing to do.
At the end of 2007, I came back to God after a decline of falling away for a few years. The big weekend that it did, all that my life had been the past year or so crumbled. I had thrown out everything taught to me as a child and had been in an unhealthy relationship and less than ideal school situation.
I will never forget that feeling. Lying on a convention room floor crying my eyes-my whole shuddering, clinging to my best friend while all our youth leaders started to pray and lay hands on us. I could hear God so clearly, at the same time feeling him break down all the lies my life was now based on. I went home and broke up with boyfriend and then proceeded to be at church three times a week every week-crying anytime we got into prayer or worship.
The walls were broken and now the rubble was being cleared. I was being rebuilt. But I had to let go.
And I still am. I always feel as if I'm still in those beginning baby steps of letting. Like the repeated mixed up process of breaking up with someone. All the emotions you feel afterwords.
There are days I'm overwhelmed by everything I have to deal with. All the past things in my life that I would rather not think about or remember. And there are times I can forget them or feel better and lighter.
But tonight I was reminded deeply of what it felt like to not let go. To hold on so strong not caring how deeply it's wounding you. the weapon you get to hurt someone else but it burns you more instead.
Why? Why can't we let go of things that scar us so deeply? The things we sit and complain, the things that make us cry because a movie or conversation reminds us of it?
Is it simply our want? To not forget the good that was? Ive never forgotten that part.
Is it not listening to God? My relationship with him has grown over and over in the past year simply because he asks me to let go of some things and while I don't always do it right or I fail in trying, I still set out to let go of something wounding me. God never ever wants things to hurt us, esp ourselves I think.
But our vision in those relationships become blinded. We think we're not good enough for him and cant run to him, finding we cant do this, we cant let go by ourselves and nobody else can truly help us because nobody else has lived our exact lives to really know what it feels like to us.

I think we all know somebody who needs to let go of something. Maybe its ourselves, maybe its a friend or family member, but the fact is its in the world and its abundant and thats so sad.
I pray for you all, you know who you are.