I hate Failing.

Warning: There will be ranting in this post.

Currently: listening to rock music.

Blame Me! Blame Me! Blame Me!
For mistakes you've made
But you can't own
Hate Me! Hate Me! Hate Me!
For every honest word
That you postpone
Blame Me! Blame Me!-Anberlin

I really and truly hate that I got sick.
I used to get sick all the time and didn't care. But when I turned my life back around and got serious about my Faith, I started not getting sick. So when I am sick, it bugs me, cause I cant do anything.

I started my summer classes 5 weeks ago with the intention of finishing them with passing grades.
And then I got sick last week. Honest to goodness sick with a fever and me sleeping all day and just feeling like poop. The fact that its summer and hot outside did not help.
I missed class.
I thought, okay so I missed all week. If I go back Monday for the last four days, I might be able to redeem something and maybe at least get a couple low C's.
I slept through my alarms on Monday. I still had a fever to sweat out, despite feeling better.

And because of my teacher's grading systems (and lack of returned e-mails), I knew there was no way I'd pass, even if I got like 100% on my finals.
I already feel like crap about it.
And now my dear ole Father is giving me the silent treatment.

Okay, maybe it is better then the yelling and scolding I would get when I screwed up in High School, but seriously?
I cannot help or change what happened.
Its not like Im not going to retake the classes, I am. And I already have the books for when I do.

My mom explained all this and more to him. But he's mad, and not talking to me.

-_-

I am so sick of this. Of failing. Of being the family failure.
I try my hardest to succeed in everything and I almost never see any results. Its frustrating.

I just. Ugh.

Back to cleaning the house every day for me. Until fall semester starts. And/Or I get a job.